The Chaos Exchange
by thewerepuppy
Summary: A simple school exchange trip between Ridgeway and Hollywood Arts turns to complete chaos for everyone involved. Various ships included, and much hilarity guaranteed!
1. Chapter 1: The SetUp

**A/N: For the purposes of storytelling, this story presumes that neither 'iParty With VicTorious' or any iCarly episodes from 'iOMG' and beyond exist. It's not that I don't like them or anything, it's just that this story shows an alternative view. I hope you like it! It is my goal to update at least once a week.**  
><strong>Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly. i don't own Victorious. I cry myself to sleep at night...but then I eat waffles and everything's OK again. <strong>

"The foreign exchange program for this year is hereby cancelled!" announced Sikowitz. "Something about a risk of contracting monkey psychosis. I...didn't really want to know."

"Why not?" asked Jade, whose eyes positively lit up. "It sounds fantastic."

"Also their country is now at war. With Yerba," Sikowitz added.

"Go country-that-isn't-Yerba", muttered Andre, rubbing his neck as he remembered their fateful stay in war zone.

"So...does that mean we're not inviting strangers to live with us now?" Cat asked, visibly disappointed.

"Of course not!" Sikowitz yelled enthusiastically. "The program has been altered, and will now go ahead as a partnership with Ridgeway High in Seattle!" he grinned.

The teens looked at him, bored and unimpressed. Well, all except Cat. They'd signed up for the program months ago, and had pretty much forgotten about it, due to the pressure of various assignments and performances.

"Yay! Seattle!" Cat squealed and clapped, before looking quizzical and asking Robbie, "That's in France, right?"

"That's right," Rex replied for his guardian, "and New York is in Austrailia."

"It is? Wow. The things you learn in school."

"Robbie," Sikowitz warned, "control your plastic pal, please. And everyone, collect your fact sheets about the exchange and get excited!"

Again they stared.

"MORE excited!" Sikowitz waved his arms.

They managed a collective "Woo", grabbed their fact sheets, and made their way out.

/

* * *

><p>"But I don't want to stay at somebody else's place!" Sam whined, punching her locker, and then instantly wishing she's punched Freddie's instead.<p>

Carly raised an eyebrow. "You're at my place all the time."

"Mine too," Freddie added. "Well, until my mom banned you after the frosting incident..."

"If she didn't want her pillows covered in frosting, she should have said something."

"Words cannot describe how much I hope that's not a euphemism," Carly shuddered.

Sam produced a can of frosting from her locker. "You want?"

"I'm good."

"Well I'm looking forward to the exchange trip," Freddie smiled. "I heard the school we're going to is like an arts school, and we get to take classes in acting and music and stuff. I think it will even help us improve iCarly."

Carly nodded in agreement. "It does sound fun. Plus it's in Hollywood, which is cool. We can go to the beach and hang out with celebrities and shop and drive open-top pink convertibles!"

"It's Hollywood, Carls. Not Barbie's Dream World," said Sam through a mouthful of frosting.

"Still, the acting classes sound fun. We never get to do fun stuff like that here at Ridgeway. It's all about boring math and science and home-economics. I don't want economics in my home!"

"It will be nice to get a break from our maniac teachers," Sam relented.

Freddie snorted. "I think they'll be glad to get a break from you.

Sam glared at him, then smiled devilishly and sprayed frosting over his head. "Much better. Except now you need a cherry for the top."

Carly sighed at Freddie. "You knew she had the can."

"I know."

"Was it worth it?"

"...There's frosting in my ear canal."

"Ew."

/

* * *

><p>"I think it'll be kind of cool getting to meet some new people," Andre said as he put his books in his locker.<p>

"I think we've met enough new people," Jade sighed, casting an evil glance at Tori.

Tori ignored her. "It'll be nice to get some new acting partners for a while. Plus we might even make some great friends."

"Trust you to see the good in everything, Vega."

"I like having friends!" Cat chirruped. "One time I had this friend who used to do duck impressions."

Andre looked at her. "Are you sure your friend wasn't actually a duck?"

"Well...she liked swimming, and bread...maybe she was a duck!"

"What happened to her?" Beck asked as he leaned on the stair railing, an arm around Jade's waist.

"I dunno," Cat looked forlorn. "One day I went to the pond and she wasn't there anymore."

A smirk formed on Jade's face. "Maybe some coyotes came in the dead of night and-" Beck elbowed her, "-took her to a great coyote fairground where they ate candy and lived happily ever after."

"Ooh, I hope so!" Cat clapped.

Beck looked at Jade and smiled in approval. Jade managed to smile back. She had been making a conscious effort lately to be more agreeable with him because for some reason she felt their relationship had begun to fray around the edges. At first she had been eager to blame this on Tori's arrival but now...now she blamed herself. And she hated blaming herself, but she had to let that anger bubble just below the surface. Any displays of her rage were accomplished out of Beck's sight...for the most part.

"Aw man!" Robbie exclaimed, reading his fact sheet. "Some kid called 'Fredward Benson' is staying with me. I wanted a girl!"

"But the girls don't want you," Rex chuckled.

Tori read hers. "I got Carly Shay. Hmm, I think we must have been matched according to our likes. It says here, she likes 'the Internet, her phone, parties and shopping'. I like those things!"

"This Fredward Benson must like being a sissy boy, huh Robbie?" Rex joked.

"That, or he has a thing for wise-ass puppets," Andre suggested.

"Actually his interests are 'the Internet, model trains, tech work and Galaxy Wars," Robbie said, trying to sound defensive.

Rex laughed. "You're not really selling it."

"Who'd you guys get?" Tori asked.

"I couldn't sign up," Andre sighed. "I mean, I wanted to, but I'm staying with my grandma right now, and you know how she gets around people she doesn't know."

"Totally neurotic and crazy?"

"You got it."

"I didn't sign up either," said Jade. "There's already too many people in my house I don't like. Why risk adding another?"

"It's only for a month, Jade. You didn't

think it might be fun?"

"It would be fun to mentally torture someone new, I guess...depends on the person."

Tori stared at her for a moment. "Moving on..."

Cat looked deflated as she read her fact sheet. "Aw, fudge puppies!" she cussed as best she could. "I only get to be a reserve. I only get a new friend if they suddenly can't stay with someone else! No fair!"

"It's OK, Cat. You'll still get to meet the exchange peeps at school and everything," Andre reassured her. "You get to meet new people and not have to put up with all their annoying habits at home!"

"Thanks!" said Tori and Robbie in unison. Andre just shrugged at them as Cat looked decidedly happier.

"Well I guess nobody's staying with you either then, huh Beck?" Tori said.

"Actually, they are."

Everyone stared at him, but none with as much intensity as both Jade and Tori.

"You signed up and didn't tell me?" Jade asked in shock.

"Well, yeah. I didn't know it was going to be such a big deal."

"It isn't, but I'd have thought you'd have told ME!" she frowned, pulling away from him.

"You're making it a big deal."

"IT ISN'T A BIG DEAL!" she shrieked.

"Er, are you letting your guy stay in your R.V.?" Tori interjected, trying to extinguish some of the building tension.

"Sure, why not? What's wrong with it?"

"Yeah," Jade glared. "What's wrong with it?"

"Nothing! I just-"

"So what's this guy like?" Jade interrupted. "What did you have in common? I might be able to tolerate him."

"He says the same as me, really. 'Hanging with my friends and eating stuff'."

"That's all it says?" Jade asked. "And also...that's all you put under likes? Where am I?"

Tori gave a small laugh. "Like he's going to be able to find another human being who likes Jade West." She looked at Andre and Robbie for approval at her joke. They looked at their shoes.

Jade's dark eyes narrowed at her.

Tori gulped, immediately realising her mistake. "You're going to hurt me, aren't you?"

"We'll see," she smiled unnervingly, before peeking at the fact sheet Beck was holding. "So? What's this dude's name?"

Beck pointed. "Sam Puckett."

/

* * *

><p>"I wish I was going on this exchange thing. It's not fair!"<p>

"Nobody wants a Gibby to come stay with them," Sam yawned as she lay upside down on the Shay's sofa.

"Wait, why aren't they letting you go?" asked Spencer, removing his safety goggles.

"Because I failed one of my classes," Gibby grumbled.

"Which class?"

"Social studies."

"...People fail social studies?"

"Gibbys do," Sam explained.

"Aw, it's OK, Gibby! You can have an exchange trip here!" Spencer proclaimed. "You can help me build this giant mechanical mongoose!"

"Don't pity me," Gibby said flatly.

The elevator pinged and out stepped Carly, grin on her face, and luggage in hand. "I am officially ready for Hollywood!"

"Alrighty," Sam rolled off the couch and jumped up, "let's get this chizz rolling."

"Are you packed?" Carly asked.

Sam grabbed her trademark checkered bagpack. "Yup!"

"Sam...we're going for a month!"

"Right..." Sam sauntered over to the Shay's fridge and pulled out a large ham. "Ready! Let's get the nub and run."

Spencer helped Carly with her bags as Sam marched off to retrieve Freddie.

Freddie was already in the hallway along with three huge suitcases and his mother. "...Mom! I'm going to be fine, honest!"

"But are you sure? What if your rash flares up? Did we pack enough ointment?"

"I think a vat is enough, mom!"

"What if you get cold? I'll get your fleecy footy jammies..."

"I'm going to California!"

"You need more sun lotion!"

"Mom!"

"You'll crisp up like a marshmallow!"

Sam watched the scene with a smirk, greatly amused. Freddie glared at her as his mother plonked a floppy yellow sun hat on his head.

"Fetching," she commented.

"Shut up," he growled.

"I'm gonna miss you guys," Spencer said sadly as he hugged his little sister. "A month is a long time in Spencer years."

"We're gonna webchat every day!" Carly giggled. "It'll be like we were never gone. Plus you have Gibby to keep you company."

Spencer looked back into the apartment. Gibby licked the mechanical mongoose. Spencer looked at Carly. "Hurry back."

Freddie's phone chimed. "That's our ride. Well, I guess this is - eurgh!"

Mrs. Benson clamped him in a suffocating hug. "Be careful, my sweet Freddie. Remember to text me every hour!"

"I will, mom," Freddie scrambled out of the grip and headed down the hallway with the others.

"I LOVE YOU!"

"Me too, mom."

With that, the team headed off to Hollywood.

* * *

><p><strong>ANII: I know this was very dialogue-heavy, but I just kind of wanted to get the whole scenario set up. They'll be more description in the next chapter as the gangs get to meet each other, so be sure to check it out! Right, I'm off to get some snackage...**


	2. Chapter 2: Meet, Greet, And Freak

**A/N: Hey guys! Thanks for reading and reviewing my last chapter, I was all "ooh, I have messages" and you guys were all "write more", so I, like, did or whatever. Anyway, in this chapter, many of the characters actually get to meet each other! And remember, this story assumes that nobody at Hollywood Arts knows about iCarly, 'cause it makes it more fun for me to write about. So feast your eyes (ew, that sounds gross)!**

**Disclaimer: I still don't own iCarly or Victorious, but I do have a weird squished plastic lion on my desk.**

The journey, by coach, from Seattle to Hollywood took 18 hours. 18 long hours in which both Carly's pearphone AND pearpod died, Freddie had accidentally packed his laptop in the coach's hold-all, and Sam had complained about being hungry. A lot. It was fair to say, their tempers were a little frayed.

"I can't believe that last gas station we stopped at didn't even sell snacks!" Sam growled.

Carly looked at her, wearily. "I can't believe you're going to tell me about it. Again."

"I should have packed more ham."

"And clothes. Seriously, you've only got what's in your backpack to last you a whole month?"

Sam stretched out her feet and began drumming her sneaker against the chair in front. "People in Hollywood own washing machines, don't they? Besides, I can always borrow something of yours."

Carly rolled her eyes, but couldn't help but smile as her wayward friend grinned at her goofily.

Suddenly, Freddie's face appeared in the gap between the two chairs in front. His eyes were covered by a sleep mask.

"Oh no," said Sam with mock terror, "Freddie's eyes are missing! So he can't see what hand gesture I'm making!"

Freddie angrily pulled the mask from his face, and glowered at Sam, who pretended to look innocent.

"I was sleeping," he said pointedly.

"Great story; can't wait for the movie."

"YOU woke me up with your incessant chair kicking!"

"I did?" Sam looked at her tapping sneaker. "Huh. It must be some kind of reflex."

"You mean your foot has a mind of it's own?" Carly asked in amusement.

"Yes."

"Well can you tell it to stop, please?" Freddie moaned, wiping sleep from his eyes.

"It doesn't really like authority."

"Aw! It takes after its owner!" Carly poked the foot until it stopped tapping.

"WHEN CAN WE EAT?" Sam yelled in the direction of the coach driver.

Carly gazed dreamily out of the window, and her eyes brightened. "Hey guys! I just saw a sign, we're only 50 miles away!"

Freddie looked out too, beginning to feel more energized as the California sun warmed his face, even as it was setting.

* * *

><p>

* * *

><p>"They're late," Jade snapped angrily. She looked over at Tori, who had fallen fast asleep on the step next to her. She looked peaceful. Jade gently lowered her face next to the snoozing girl's ear – and screamed.<p>

Tori woke with a start "AAAAAHHHHH! What? What? What's happening? Who got murdered?"

"Nobody," Jade replied sweetly. "Yet."

Sikowitz, looking exhausted and even more scruffy than usual, came to meet them where they waited on the hallway steps.

"Are they here?" Robbie asked, dragging himself to his feet and tidying his hair.

"No," Sikowitz sighed. "It seems there's been…a delay."

"We are aware of that," Beck yawned.

Tori's phone bleeped and she checked her new message. "It's from Cat – _"Are the French people here yet?_" what does she – yikes! It's almost midnight!"

"Now you'll NEVER make it to the ball!" Jade pretended to swoon, using her 1940's movie star voice.

"I don't talk like that!"

Beck stood up and stretched his back. "Do you know why they're so late, Sikowitz?"

"Well, they're traveling by road, which was never a good start. But apparently they took a detour through the city in order to pick up some food, and their order was so long they've only just got their meals."

"So we're going to have to wait here even longer?" Robbie groaned.

"No kids, as always your brilliant teacher has formulated a cunning plan."

"You're gonna make them stay in a hotel?" Jade suggested.

"No, the school wouldn't pay for that, cheapskates! No, I've arranged for the janitor to wait for them and then drop them off at your houses. He owes me a favor anyway. I taught him ballroom dancing."

"So…we can go home and wait for them there?" Tori asked as they all stood up.

"YES! GO! LEAVE! SLEEP! There will be more exchange student fun to be had tomorrow!"

Sikowitz shooed them all out of the school and shut the door behind them all. He waved goodbye to the janitor, who waved back, and then danced across the linoleum, pretending his mop was his partner.

* * *

><p>

* * *

><p>When the iCarly gang (plus the group of other Ridgeway students) arrived at the dark school, they were puzzled to find the janitor waiting for them, with a school bus. The situation was explained and the students were too sleepy to argue, so each kid was dropped off one by one at their hosts' houses. Carly, Freddie and Sam were the last on the bus.<p>

* * *

><p>

* * *

><p>Carly was about to knock on the front door of Tori Vega's home, when she paused.<p>

She was sure that 18 hours on a coach with no air conditioning, followed by an hour in a fried chicken restaurant, wasn't going to leave her smelling of roses. Or looking like roses, for that matter. What would these glamorous Hollywood types think of her? First impressions are important!

Tori was the only Vega not asleep, and had achieved an unnatural state of wide-awakeness after draining a six pack of Peppy Cola. She sat on the edge of her couch, humming to herself and tapping her foot while browsing The Slap. Still no information on the whereabouts of the exchange students...

Carly checked her reflection in her compact and made as much improvement as she could, smoothing her hair and adding some colour to her weary face. Then, after a quick spritz of deodorant spray, she took a deep breath and knocked on the door.

Tori practically bounced off the couch and sprinted forward, swinging the door open and yelling "HI!" with a big grin.

Carly, still partly dazed, took a step back in surprise, then offered a smile in return. "Hi! Um, are you Tori Vega?"

"THAT'S ME!" Tori beamed. She then realised by the confused look on her guest's face that she might be slightly over-doing the welcome. "Sorry...you must be Carly. Come in! Let me get your bags."

"Thanks, nice to meet you!" Carly said, trying to sound just as overly enthusiastic.

"Sorry if I seen kind of hyper...Peppy Cola should only be enjoyed in small doses," Tori explained as she helped Carly bring her luggage in.

"No problem," Carly said, relieved that she could relax a little. "Thanks so much for waiting up this late."

"Aw, no problem. I was excited to meet you! C'mon, I'll show you where your room is and give you the grand tour."

Carly followed the cheery girl, and tried not to squeal at how amazing her house was.

* * *

><p>

* * *

><p>"So, this is my room, where you'll be staying...and this is Rex," Robbie explained.<p>

Freddie scanned the room as he put his bags down by the fold-out bed, looking for a dog or some kind of pet. "Rex?"

"Yeah," Robbie smiled, before looking at Rex indignantly. "Rex!" he whispered sharply, sitting down on his bed next to the puppet. "Be nice!"

"What's up?" Rex greeted Freddie reluctantly.

"Cool," Freddie smiled, "how did you learn to do that, Robbie?"

Robbie frowned. "Do what?"

Awkward silence.

Rex cleared his throat. "So...what kind of name is 'Fredward'?"

"Oh, it's just Freddie. Nobody really calls me by my full name."

"Can't imagine why..."

"Anyway," Robbie interrupted, putting a pillow over Rex, "I can't help but notice you've brought a lot of computer stuff with you. You a tech fan?"

"Uh yeah," Freddie brightened. "I produce a web show with my friends."

"Cool!" Robbie enthused. "You're gonna fit right in at Hollywood Arts."

"You think so?" Freddie smiled. He was really looking forward to school in the morning - it sounded so much more interesting than what he was used to.

* * *

><p>

* * *

><p>Some people might be a little apprehensive about having to live in an R.V. with a total stranger, but not Sam Puckett. As soon as she saw the Airstream trailer she knew it looked like a better home than her mother's apartment. Heck, it even had a better neon sign.<p>

She wiped the last of the fried chicken grease on her pants and knocked on the metal door.

When Beck appeared, Sam's eyes widened. She had expected Hollywood boys to be attractive but... "Whoah, mama!" she exclaimed before she could stop herself.

Beck smiled at the blonde, who he couldn't help but think looked cute as she blushed. "Hey there," he said cooly. "Can I help you?"

"Uh, I think I got the wrong place," she sighed, embarrassed. "Stupid janitor..."

"Wait," Beck called as the girl began to wander off. If she was travelling with the janitor, maybe she was one of the exchange kids. "Who's place are you looking for?"

"Beck Oliver's."

He looked puzzled. "I'm Beck Oliver."

"But...you're a dude!" she exclaimed.

He laughed. "Yes, I'm aware of that. Are you Sam?"

"Yeah...I thought I was staying with a girl?"

"How did you think 'Beck' was a girl's name?" he asked, amused.

"I dunno. I guess I figured it was short for 'Becky' or 'Rebecca' or something," she shrugged.

"Well, I was expecting a guy."

"Sorry to disappoint you," Sam mumbled.

Beck shut the door behind him and hopped down to join her. "I'm not disappointed. It was just a misunderstanding. Look, it's really late, I'm sure we can get it all sorted out tomorrow. In the meantime, you're welcome to stay the night here."

Sam looked into his kind eyes and found herself smiling back at him goofily. "Thanks man. I appreciate it."

"Sweet," he said. And then he remembered Jade. Jade, his extremely possessive girlfriend who had fallen into a ridiculously deep sleep in the back of the R.V. How would she react to his invitation to a pretty little blonde to stay the night?

"Do you want something to drink? A snack, maybe?" he asked hurriedly, directing Sam to sit in one of the two wooden chairs by the trailer.

"Sure! I never say no to some snack action."

"Good! Wait here." Beck ran into the R.V., shutting the door behind him.

Sam slung her backpack onto the ground and drummed her fingers on the picnic table between the chairs. She got a text from Carly.

"Staying in an amazing house! Tori is nice, she's a great singer. How are you doing at your place? Be nice! xoxo"

Beck reappeared with two drinks and a bowl of chips, carefully clicking the trailer door shut as he came out.

"You don't mind sitting out here for a little bit, do you?" he asked, setting the snacks down. "It's just, my girlfriend is in there asleep."

"No problem," Sam dug into the chips and pretended not to be disappointed at the news that Beck wasn't single. Of course he isn't. Look at the boy.

"So..." Beck sat down. "How was your trip from Seattle?"

"Pretty awful, actually."

"Oh. Sorry to hear that," Beck popped the cap off a drink and passed it to her.

"Yeah, but I've been in worse situations. Like, for instance, there was this time me and my friends were taken hostage by this freaky girl..."

It was 2:26am when Jade's green eyes flickered open. She stretched, yawned, and sat up to find the R.V. empty.

As she became more aware of the world around her, she picked up on the voices outside. One was deep and manly and unmistakably Beck, but the other she couldn't quite hear.

The exchange student! Jade ran to the window to catch a sneaky glimpse.

"...So you were genuinely kidnapped by some psycho chick?" Beck questioned following his hysterics at Sam's story.

"Totally!" Sam joined his laughter.

"With a chicken?"

The chuckling continued until the trailer door banged open, and Jade came down on them like an angry tornado.

For a moment, she just stood before them, quietly seething, itching with rage. Then three words quietly passed her lips. "Who. Is. This?"

"Jade," Beck said calmly as he stood up and put an arm around her tense shoulders. "This is Sam. From Seattle."

Jade locked eyes with him and forced a sarcastic smile. "Honey. Sam looks less like a boy than I anticipated."

"Thanks?" Sam offered, fully aware of the tension between the couple. "Look, there was a mix up and-"

"Ssh!" Jade raised her index finger at her without removing her ferocious gaze from her boyfriend. "The grown-ups are talking."

Sam really wanted to provide this gothic-looking chick with a brilliant snarky comeback, but she remembered Carly's text. "Be nice!" She took a handful of chips and crunched them aggressively instead.

"Look, can we talk in private?" Beck reasoned, leading his girlfriend into the R.V. before smiling weakly at Sam. "Give us a minute."

Once the door clicked shut, Jade wore an expression of distrust and folded her arms. "Well. You two seemed to be getting along very well while I was blissfully unaware."

"You were asleep!"

"I know! It didn't occur to you to wake me up?"

Beck sighed, exasperated. "Last time I woke you up, you almost stabbed my neck with scissors."

"It wasn't my fault. I was having a nightmare," she snapped defensively.

Beck raised an eyebrow. "I thought you said you had a dream about Tori singing."

"I did. For me, that's a nightmare."

"Well I'm sorry I didn't wake you. I didn't want Sam to feel unwelcome."

"Even though she is?" Jade asked pointedly.

"It's not her fault she travelled all this way and got put with me. It was an accident." Beck came closer, and looked at her with big puppy dog eyes until a glimmer of a smile appeared on her red lips.

"Where's she going to stay?" she mumbled.

"Well, I've made up a bed on the couch over here so -"

"She's staying in HERE?" Jade exploded again.

Beck put his head in his hands and exhaled deeply before answering. "It's almost 3 in the morning, Jade. I said she could stay the night and we could sort everything as soon as we get to school tomorrow. It's not like we're dating."

"But-"

The couple turned to look as the R.V. door opened tentatively. "Um...do you guys have any more chips?"

Jade was about to tell Sam exactly where she could put her chips, when Beck gave her a warning look. A look that she knew meant "play nice". She held her tongue.

"Sam, come in!" Beck said warmly. "This is my girlfriend, Jade."

"Hey." Sam nodded a greeting as she stepped onto the plush green carpet.

"Uh huh." Jade responded.

Sam took in her surroundings with a smile. "Cool trailer."

"Thanks," Beck said. "Your bed is all set up there, and the bathroom's just down there, and the chips are in that cupboard."

"Awesome," Sam approved. "Well, I guess I'll just go get my bag."

As she disappeared outside, Jade tapped her boyfriend. "I'm staying too."

"You are?" Beck asked, surprised. "I don't think my dad would like that."

"What he doesn't know won't hurt him."

"He didn't know about the Rottweiler and that hurt him," Beck reminded her.

Jade punched his arm playfully. "Well if she stays here, I stay here. That's the rule."

"Fine." Beck grinned, before seductively asking "Where are you going to sleep?"

"Right here. Opposite Sam." She replied, taking a seat defiantly. "I'm keeping an eye on her."

Sam returned, plonking her bag on the couch/bed and yawning. "What time is it?"

"Late." Beck caught her yawn. "I guess we should all get some sleep since we've got school tomorrow." He padded over to his room at the end of the trailer. "Sleep well, you two."

"Love you," Jade called.

"Love you back," he said as he went to bed.

"So...you're sleeping here too, then?" Sam asked Jade as she fluffed up the pillow that had been set out.

"Yes." Jade studied the girl. She was small and had hair like a Disney princess, but her clothes had a punk rock edge that made her less irritatingly girly than Tori and Cat.

Sam lay down on the couch and covered herself with a blanket. She looked at Jade. The other girl was sat opposite, wearing boots that Sam thought looked pretty awesome, and a glare that Sam thought was slightly scary. "Are you just going to sit and stare at me all night?"

Jade's mouth twitched into a sly smile. "Does that creep you out?"

"A little bit, yeah."

"Aw..." Jade mocked sympathy before smiling sweetly. "Pleasant dreams."

Sam covered her face with the blanket and sighed.

**A/NII: Coming soon...the iCarly gang experience their first day at Hollywood Arts and get to meet the whole group for the very first time. Want to see Freddie's reaction to Cat, Carly's struggle with art class and Jade and Sam's growing rivalry? Sure you do!**

**Also, I know this chapter focussed on Sam's meeting than Carly and Freddie's, but in all fairness it was the one that needed most explaining (as well as the one most people wanted to see!). Catch ya later!**


	3. Chapter 3: Morning Troubles

The next morning Trina offered to give Tori and Carly a ride to school. Tori was slightly reluctant about this, since ever since Trina had met Carly she hadn't stopped blabbering on and on about all her past performances and how 'great' they were. Carly had been polite and listened with a smile, but Tori could tell from the way her eyes had glazed over that she'd had enough of Trina too.

However, they were both still pretty tired from the late night, so they got in the back sear of the car and set off. When Tori saw that Trina was about to speak again, she quickly interrupted.

"So Carly, I think you're gonna like Hollywood Arts. I mean, I was a little freaked out when I first came here because I wasn't used to being that creative in school."

"It sounds like a lot of fun," Carly said. "What kind of classes do they have? I mean apart from boring math and stuff."

"Well, Sikowitz's class is my favorite." Tori decided.

Carly frowned. "...'Psycho-wits'?"

"Yeah he's one of our teachers. He's slightly random and crazy but he's a great guy, and he runs amazing acting classes."

"Do you sing, Carly?" Trina butted in.

"Sing? Well I-"

"See, I specialize in both acting AND singing. I think it's important to be a well-rounded entertainer."

It was at that moment Carly had begun to worry. One of the reasons she'd signed up for the exchange was so she could learn some more creative skills, but she hadn't even considered that everyone else in the class would be super-talented already. What if she embarrassed herself?

Tori touched her arm, reading her concern. "Don't worry. The school's pretty chilled. You'll find what you like doing best. Nobody's amazing at everything."

Trina snorted, clearly disagreeing. "Speak for yourself."

She pulled into the parking lot. "I bet you play an instrument, don't you Carly?"

"Well...I'm getting pretty good at Violin Hero, if that counts?" she laughed nervously.

"It doesn't," Trina said flatly as they got out of the car. "But don't worry! You'll fit in fine with Tori." She grinned and flounced off.

Tori glared after her. "As you can see, not everyone here is super-talented." She said, making Carly laugh. "C'mon, you can meet my friends. We might even be able to find some people you know."

Carly brightened at the thought of seeing Sam and Freddie. At least she wouldn't be the only one playing catch-up...she just hoped they had some classes together.

* * *

><p>

* * *

><p>When they arrived at the Asphalt Cafe, Andre and Cat were already waiting.<p>

"Yay, it's Tori!" Cat clapped before getting up and hugging her.

Tori laughed. "Hey! Carly, this is Cat, and that's Andre."

"Carly!" Cat released Tori and embraced the new girl. "That's such a pretty name!"

"Er, thanks!" Carly giggled. "Nice to meet you."

"Hi Carly," Andre greeted, gently pulling Cat away. "You liking California so far?"

"Well it's certainly a lot sunnier than Seattle," she grinned as they all sat down.

"What up, home skillets?" Rex's voice emerged as Robbie and Freddie appeared. "Hey. Who got this beautiful lady?" the puppet asked, fixing his eternal stare on Carly.

"She's with me so don't be creepy," Tori warned.

Andre shuffled up to make room for the newcomers. "Hey Robbie. Hey man."

"Oh, you guys, this is Freddie," Robbie explained, after his friends looked at him expectantly.

"Hi everyone," Freddie put his hand up in greeting.

Everyone said their hellos, and Cat got up to drape herself around the new boy. "Hi Freddie!" she giggled.

"I already like this school!" he grinned.

Carly raised an eyebrow. "Down boy."

"This is-"

"-Carly, I know," Robbie interrupted Tori before she could finish.

"You know?" she asked, puzzled.

"Sure. Freddie told me all about iCarly."

The other Hollywood Arts students exchanged confused looks.

"It's a webshow we do," said Carly, in a humble voice. "Just some silly comedy stuff to entertain the internet." Normally she'd be more than happy to talk about the show, but around all these talented kids she didn't really think it would be appropriate. After all, she and Sam never did anything particularly 'amazing' - she just thought of it as successful goofing around.

"Sounds cool, we'll have to check it out," Andre smiled broadly. Lately he'd still been struggling to get Jade out of his head, but already he was pretty taken with this new girl. So far, so not crazy. Always a plus.

Beck, Jade and Sam were running late, especially as they'd had to stop for coffee seeing as how they'd gone to bed so late. Jade especially was sleep-deprived. Once Sam had fallen asleep it had been her intention to browse the net and dig up some dirt on the blonde, but watching the other girl's rhythmic breathing had made her drop off too. She'd only woken up when Beck had appeared from his secret extra room and gently poked her awake with a spatula.

Now running on caffeine and not much else, they arrived to meet the others.

"Beck and Jade!" Cat announced chirpily.

Jade groaned. "Cat, you are officially not allowed to be this cheerful this early in the day."

"And who's the hot blonde?" Rex asked.

Sam pointed, and looked at Beck. "Is that a puppet?"

"Yes it is," he replied, sipping his coffee. "Don't worry, you learn to block it out."

"Hey, I have feelings, man." Rex sniffed.

"This is Sam," Beck said to the gang with a smile.

"Sam's a girl!" Andre spluttered.

"We've established this, thank you."

"There has been a horrible, horrible mix up," Jade grumbled.

"Oh well!" Tori sang, trying to defuse the situation. "Let's everyone welcome Sam."

"Hey," Robbie and Andre greeted warmly in unison.

"Sam!" Cat jumped off Freddie and clasped her in a hug.

"Whoa..." Sam froze, looking to Carly for help. Carly shrugged sympathetically.

"That's Cat," Andre sighed. "She's a hugger."

"Hi Cat," Sam squirmed, before looking to the others. "Uh...little help?"

"You seem fine," Jade smirked.

Beck stepped in, helping to get Cat to calm herself and sit back down.

"It's just so exciting meeting new people," she said happily as she bounced in her seat.

Beck and Sam sat down. All the seats were taken up now but one glare from Jade and Robbie gave up his place and stood awkwardly at the side.

"I'm Beck," Beck said, flashing his perfect smile.

"Freddie," the new boy shook his hand.

"Carly..." Carly melted.

"Beck's girlfriend," Jade introduced herself sharply, eyeing Carly. Great, she thought, another prissy girl.

Beck rolled his eyes and elaborated for Freddie. "This is Jade."

Then the signature school bell sounded, and Sikowitz arrived with a megaphone. "HERE YE, HERE YE, THE FOLLOWING STUDENTS ARE TO REPORT TO MY CLASSROOM: ANDRE, CAT, BECK, JADE, ROBBIE, TORI, CARLY, SAM AND FREDWARD."

Another student with frizzy hair came up behind him and tapped the teacher on the shoulder. "Um, Sikowitz? What about the rest of us?" she asked, perplexed.

He thought for a moment before replying through the megaphone: "FREE PERIOD."

She covered her ringing ears and went off to join her other classmates as Sikowitz herded the students whose names he had called. "No great loss to get rid of THEM for a while..." he confided. "They never do anything anyway."

* * *

><p>

* * *

><p>Since it was the first day of the exchange, regular classes had been cancelled for the day and replaced by a whole day with one tutor, just so the new students could feel comfortable and so their schedules could be sorted out.<p>

As they walked through the school hallway, Carly, Sam and Freddie found themselves mesmerized by everything around them.

"Look at the lockers!" Carly whispered excitedly, nudging Sam in the ribs.

"I see the lockers," her friend replied, rubbing her side. She wasn't as alert as usual and hadn't at all expected an assault from Carly's boney elbow.

Sam hadn't slept well, mostly because she had been in the same room as Jade, who she'd learnt was clearly the jealous type.

"Cool, that one has a keyboard!" Freddie pointed for his friends.

"That one's mine," Andre said proudly.

As they walked, Sinjin randomly joined them, staring at Carly and Sam in turn.

"Hey," he said shyly.

"We're in a class, Sinjin." Tori said, before the boy could become any creepier.

He nodded in apparent understanding. "I can dig it. Catch ya later." He scurried off.

"Who was that?" Carly asked in amusement.

"Sinjin. He's...well, to be honest we're not really sure what he is."

"Please be seated!" Sikowitz said loudly as he directed them into the classroom and shut them in.

Cat tapped Freddie's shoulder. "Come sit by me," she smiled.

Freddie smiled back and let his feet follow the pretty redhead by instinct, taking a chair next to her while everyone else took up a chair too.

"Okay," Sikowitz began, clearing his throat, "first of all, for those of you who are new today, welcome to Hollywood Arts! My name is Mr. Sikowitz, and I will be your teacher and your...er...your liaisons officer? Is that right? Whatever, you three just come to me if you're having any problems. I'm that guy."

"Like a parole officer?" Sam suggested, earning looks from everyone in the room.

Sikowitz raised an eyebrow and nodded slowly. "If that analogy is helpful to you, sure."

"We already have a problem," Jade spoke up, pointing at the blonde. "She's a girl."

"Now Jade," Sikowitz scolded, "we can't help the way we are born, now can we?"

"I mean," Jade said slowly, "she's a girl, and she got dropped off at Beck's."

"Ah..." the teacher caught up. "That is a conundrum. Just give me a minute while I check my boring paperwork." He proceeded to pull a bunch of screwed up papers out of his bag and tried to straighten them out.

Carly nudged her friend from behind. "You spent the night with a guy?"

"Not in a sexy way," Sam muttered.

"Definitely not in a sexy way," Jade added, eavesdropping on their conversation.

Sam rolled her eyes. "I got dropped off there really late and ended up staying the night with the guy and his girlfriend."

"Again," Jade reassured her, "not in a sexy way."

"Ah ha!" Sikowitz burst out, making them jump. "I have discovered the source of the problem. It seems Sam was mistaken for a boy."

They all groaned.

"Sikowitz! We know!" Jade snapped, exasperated. "So what are we going to do about it?"

"Well," the man smiled, never missing an opportunity to mess with his students (especially Jade), "Sam could always stay with you..."

The two girls exchanged concerned expressions. They hadn't exactly made a great first impression on each other, and it was already starting to go downhill from there.

Cat clung to Freddie's arm. "Well then can Freddie stay with me?"

"No, Cat. The rules state boys with boys and girls with girls."

"Aw..."

"Yeah Cat, he's with me!" Robbie said indignantly. Rex laughed at him. "...Or...something-more-manly!" he backtracked.

"Hey I didn't sign up for this," Jade protested quickly. "Cat's the one on the reserve list."

Sikowitz consulted his papers with slight disappointment. "So she is. So Sam the girl, you will be staying with our very own Cat Valentine!"

"Wooo!" the redhead cheered, "Sam it will be great, we can stay up late and do each other's hair and makeup and have loads of fun!"

Freddie successfully managed to make a laugh sound like a cough and Carly bit her lip to prevent any giggles from escaping as Sam - who had never been remotely girly - looked quietly horrified.

"Won't that be nice?" Jade smiled, picking up on her new rival's discomfort.

"Well, now that's sorted out, I think it would be marvelous if we found out a little more about our Seattle students. You!" he pointed at Carly.

"Me?" she replied anxiously.

"Yes, what is your name?"

"Carly Shay."

"How formal. Well Carly Shay, I want you to pick one of your two fellow Seattle-ites so they can tell us all about you." He smiled.

"Okay...well then I pick Sam," she smiled to her friend.

"Alrighty, Sam, you come up onto the stage here and tell us some interesting facts about Carly."

"Uh, okay..." Sam shrugged and got up, not used to being in a class where participation was essential.

Sikowitz sat in her vacated chair and leaned forward, waiting for her to speak.

"Well...Carly's my best friend. She has a crazy brother called Spencer who she lives with. She likes fruit smoothies and lip-gloss, but she freaks out in small spaces. She's pretty awesome," she concluded.

"Aww!" Carly smiled.

"Very nice," said Sikowitz. "Now Carly, you trade places with Sam."

They complied, with Carly left looking nervous on the stage. "So, do you want me to talk about Sam?"

"No," the teacher replied thoughtfully. "I want you to talk about...what's your name? Fredward?"

"Just Freddie."

"Oh, that's much less weird."

Sam snorted and Freddie narrowed his eyes at her.

"Yes, I want you to talk about Freddie, but I want you to do it in an accent," Sikowitz continued.

Carly frowned. "What kind of accent?"

"An Australian accent. Go!"

"Er, okay, hi-"

"More Australian!"

"G'day!" Carly said fairly loudly, getting a few laughs from the others. "Well crikey, Freddie is...bonza! He's very good with computers, strewth! He's also great at fencing and enjoys miniature trains, but isn't a fan of mushrooms or being embarrassed by his barmy mother."

Freddie went slightly red at the comments about his model train hobby and his mother, but was otherwise pleased with Carly's words, and smiled in appreciation.

"Very good Carly! Your accent wasn't bad at all," Sikowitz praised. "Now you swap with Freddie. Freddie, I want you to talk about Sam, but I want you to do it without using the letter 'f'."

"Why 'f'?" Beck asked.

"I don't know, it's just my least favourite member of the alphabet."

Freddie got up on stage. "Right well, Sam is my, uh, acquaintance," he said, successful sidestepping any 'f's. "She likes ham, chicken and thinking up ways to torture me. I'd say that was the hobby she seems to like best."

Sam glared at him for a moment, then decided he was right. Pushing Freddie's buttons was an essential part of her life.

"Go on..." Sikowitz encouraged.

Freddie nodded. "Sam doesn't like dentists, authority, or being pleasant," he said, taking advantage of his opportunity to irritate the blonde and get a bit of revenge. "She's regularly lazy, rude and obnoxious, and-"

"-Hey!" Sam interrupted.

"He didn't say 'f'..." Cat explained as though the new girl hadn't understood the rules.

Sam folded her arms. "Well I'm about to..."

"Okay thank you Freddie!" Sikowitz got up, sensing it was a good time to step in. "You can sit down now."

Freddie took the now-empty seat by Tori, and gave her a lop-sided grin. Truly, this school was offering up some definite hotties. Tori smiled back, then turned her attention back on Sikowitz.

"Now back to acting!" the teacher said animatedly. " Since our honored guests are new at these sorts of shenanigans, I'm going to split you off into groups and give you a simple scene to rehearse. You will then perform it for the rest of us. Now let's see, let's have...Cat, Beck and Carly as one group, Freddie you're with Jade and Andre, and that leaves Sam with Tori and Robbie. Here are your scripts - you have until after lunch to put something amazing together."

The teenagers separated into their separate groups and Sikowitz handed them their scripts before heading for the door.

"Wait, where are you going?" Jade asked, suspicious.

"Well...I want to be surprised when I see your performances don't I!" Sikowitz lied. "I'll be back in a while, gotta see a man about a coconut." He rushed out, hoping to take a nap in an empty classroom.

"Your teacher's an interesting guy," Freddie noted as he, Andre and Jade pulled their chairs together.

"That's one word for it," Jade said dryly.

"You get used to it," chuckled Andre as he began to flick through the script. "Uh...is anybody else's blank?"

"What?" Jade thumbed through her own copy. Sure enough, it was just a collection of blank pages stapled together.

"He probably wants us to work together more closely and come up with our own thing," Andre guessed. "Ain't no big deal. Although it seems like kind of a waste of paper..."

"I think maybe we're supposed to write our own script on the paper," Freddie suggested patiently.

Jade smirked at Andre, who blushed.

"Uh yeah. That could work, too..."

Jade had been so busy trying to keep track of Sam and Carly that she hadn't really noticed Freddie until now. He seemed okay in a generic boy-next-door sort of way. Maybe he was Carly's boyfriend.

"You have any ideas then, Freddie?" she asked, genuinely interested.

He scratched the back of his head and looked uncomfortable for a moment. "You guys are probably better at this than me."

"True, but we still want your input."

Jade smiled. Again Freddie was floored by the girl's appearance and felt a flutter in his stomach under her scrutiny, but in a way this girl was very different from Cat and Tori. She was quite intimidating and confident, and Freddie was unsure what to make of her yet. Still, he had all morning to find out.

* * *

><p>

* * *

><p>Over in Tori's group, they had also discovered that their assignment was actually to write their own script and then perform it, which made the whole thing a lot more complicated. Despite this, Tori found herself more interested in questioning Sam.<p>

"...So...you had to spend the night with Beck and Jade. That must have been an experience," she laughed.

"It was," Sam agreed, as she began to unwrap a fatcake she'd stored in her bag. "I mean, Beck was cool and everything, but Jade was-"

"-Borderline psychotic?" Tori answered for her.

"She watched me while I slept."

Tori's eyes widened, and then she remembered exactly what Jade was like when it came to other girls around Beck, and wondered why she had been surprised.

"I wanna know more about you," Rex interrupted. "I mean we've heard that you're lazy, rude and obnoxious, but what are your thoughts on short men?"

"Rex!" Tori swiped at the puppet, but Robbie moved him safely out of reach.

"I'll go put him in a timeout," Robbie sighed, wandering over to his bag and shoving the protesting puppet inside.

Tori shook her head, annoyed, before turning her attention back to Sam. The blonde had a mouthful of fatcake and was chewing it with all the grace of a starving dingo.

Sam noticed her looking and gulped down the snack before sheepishly asking, "Did you want one?"

"Uh, no thanks," Tori smiled weakly as Sam unwrapped another and began to demolish it. "So what up with all the negative opinion from Freddie? I mean I know he was just joking around but what, are you guys dating?"

Sam almost choked on her food and spluttered out sugary crumbs everywhere.

Tori screwed up her face. "Okaaaaay, I'm gonna take that as a no," she said, wiping half-chewed morsels from her jeans.

"What I miss?" Robbie scurried back to sit between the two girls.

"We were just establishing the fact that Sam is not going out with Freddie," Tori explained.

Robbie's face lit up. "Oh, so then you're single?" he asked. True he didn't know anything about the new girl, but he took chances where he could and she was certainly pretty.

"Yup," Sam replied simply, before cutting off the boy's inevitable question before he could humiliate himself. "So what kind of script are we gonna do?"

"Hmm, I'm not sure." Tori furrowed her brow. "Maybe a romantic comedy?"

Robbie and Sam groaned and made gagging sounds.

She laughed. "Okay then, not a romantic comedy."

"How about a mystery story?" Robbie suggested, the gears in his creative mind beginning to turn. "It could be like a crime thing, like film noir with detectives and stuff."

The girls made expressions of approval, and he looked pleased with himself. Tori knew Robbie was particularly good at working out complicated plots for writing, and wasn't surprised that he'd had the first major brainwave.

* * *

><p>

* * *

><p>"So, do you girls have any ideas?" Beck asked, finishing off his coffee and immediately craving another one.<p>

Cat looked at Carly, her head on one side. "Is Freddie dating anyone?"

"No," the new girl answered, "he's very much not dating anyone. Totally free."

"Kay kay," Cat smiled widely, pleased with the response.

Beck arched an eyebrow. "Y'know, when I said 'ideas'..."

"Sorry," Carly said, looking into the boy's eyes and wishing that he was single. Still, she was here to learn, not date cute boys. Or, at least, that's what she tried to tell herself.

"We could write about unicorns," Cat giggled, curling her hair around her finger.

Beck shook his head. "I'm not really in a unicorn kind of mood."

"You're never in a unicorn kind of mood!" Cat pouted.

Carly could see that Beck was tired and felt a pang of sympathy. "I hope having Sam stay with you wasn't too awful. I know she can be kind of...well, Sam."

Beck managed a smile. "Sam was fine. My girlfriend...not so much."

"Ah," Carly nodded in understanding. She decided that if she was Beck's girlfriend, she'd be a bit antsy about other girls being near him, too. I mean...look at him.

"Everything going okay over here?" Jade asked, making Carly jump as she came up behind her.

Beck rolled his eyes. "Yes Jade, just trying to work on the assignment."

"Good," said Jade with a fake smile. "Carly, isn't my boyfriend a great guy?" she asked pointedly.

Carly was unsure how to reply, and shifted uncomfortably in her seat.

Cat broke the tension as usual. "How's your scene coming, Jade?"

"Good. We're doing a horror piece."

"Well go on and do it, we haven't even sorted ours out yet," Beck said irritably. He hated being tired.

Jade looked slightly hurt for a moment, then offered a "whatever" and left them to it. She decided not to totally obey her boyfriend and instead harass Tori's group for a while.

She slunk over and watched the group, her arms folded and a sly smile on her face.

Tori noticed her and looked unhappy. "Can we help you with something?" she asked, tapping her foot.

"Not right now," Jade responded brightly, staying where she was.

"Well we're trying to work on our scene so can you-"

"-So Sam," Jade cut off the Vega girl bluntly, "how are you finding things at Hollywood Arts so far?"

Tori and Robbie stared at Jade, shocked that she had bothered to ask.

She looked back at them, still smirking. "What? I can't check in on my favorite little house invader?"

"Jade..." Tori warned, not liking the girl's choice of words, or the sugary voice she was putting on.

"You don't feel completely out of place, then?" Jade continued to the blonde, an expression of mock sympathy on her face like she was speaking to a toddler.

"No," Sam replied, struggling to hold her tongue. She was still trying her best to obey Carly and stay out of trouble, but every time this chick spoke to her she had to choke down a heap of insults and keep her fists from clenching. "I'm good," she added, forcing a rather unconvincing smile.

"Interesting..." Jade replied, waltzing off back to her group.

Robbie let go of the breath he was holding. He'd learnt Jade's body language and mannerisms and knew that what he'd just witnessed had been the girl equivalent of a wolf sizing up a newcomer; a wolf deciding when it would be best to strike and establish dominance through violence.

"Ignore her," Tori stated simply, glaring after Jade. "She has...issues."

"I noticed," sighed Sam. Clearly it was going to be a long day.

**A/NII: Apologies that this chapter is kind of long, I just had a lot to get through. Tune in next time to see how the scenes turn out, and exactly how Jade makes sure the new girls know where they stand...**


	4. Chapter 4: The Sam Revolution

When the school bell sounded for the end of first period, Sikowitz stuck his head through the window and announced that the teenagers could take a 15-minute break. Carly was relieved because she really wanted a chance to catch up with Sam and Freddie. As they left the classroom she grabbed the two of them and rushed down the corridor.

Tori understood that the exchange students wanted to be alone for a while, so she led the others out to the Asphalt Cafe.

"Isn't this place cool?" Freddie enthused as he sat on the steps. "How's your guys' projects going? We're doing this horror thing where we-"

"-I'd be able to enjoy it a whole lot better if I didn't have that skunk-bag breathing down my neck every five seconds," Sam interrupted harshly.

Carly nodded in understanding. It hadn't been exactly difficult to pick up on the girl's hostility.

"Jade?" Freddie frowned slightly, oblivious to the problem. "I've worked with her all morning, she seems nice..." He shrunk back as his friends glared at him. "...or not. She's been alright with me. I mean sure, I guess she comes across as a little intimidating at first, but she's really good at thinking up creative stuff. Like for example she-"

"Oh shut up, Freddie!" Sam snapped, her tiredness and temper taking over. "Nobody cares what you think."

"Well Jade does!" Freddie snapped back, a little offended. "And Andre. You know, it really makes a difference feeling appreciated."

"We appreciate you and you know it!" Carly argued with a smile, ruffling his hair.

"YOU do..." Freddie mumbled.

"So does Cat," Carly said, smiling. "Y'know she's never stopped talking about you all morning."

Sam groaned and pretended to collapse on the railings.

Freddie ignored the blonde, and brightened up again. "Really?"

"Really."

"I think she needs a second opinion from her guide dog," Sam commented. "She better talk about something else if I'm going to be forced to stay with her for a whole month."

"Aw, Cat's really sweet," Carly reassured her, patting her back. "And I'm sure you'd rather stay with her than Jade, right?"

"I preferred it when it was just me and Beck," Sam replied flatly.

Carly gave her a sly look. "I bet you did!"

"Not like that!" Sam laughed, blushing a little. True, she definitely thought Beck was a looker, but right now she liked him as a friend. They'd been getting along really well when they first met at his R.V., before his girlfriend interrupted. Why did everything have to involve dating? Why couldn't guys and chicks just be friends sometimes?

"I know the real reason you don't like Jade," Freddie smiled in amusement, enjoying teasing the blonde.

She narrowed her eyes at him. "And why's that, Fredbrain?"

"Because she scares you," he replied smugly. "You just can't handle that you're not the one who strikes fear into the hearts of other students."

Sam advanced on him slowly, and his smile faded as he hurriedly got to his feet and backed up. She looked furious for a moment, fire dancing in her eyes, but then she developed that devilish grin Freddie had come to know so well. He gulped.

"We'll see who strikes fear into who," she said softly.

Carly tapped her harshly on the shoulder. "I thought we settled this back in Seattle. No terrorizing the other students!" Carly scolded, folding her arms.

"Yeah but that's back at Ridgeway," Sam reasoned. "These kids haven't learnt who's in charge when mama's in town."

As if to illustrate her point, Sam locked onto a target - a gawky looking kid with glasses and wild hair. "Hey you!" she yelled.

Sinjin looked behind him, before warily pointing to himself. "Me?" he squeaked.

"Yeah," Sam marched over to him and got right in his face (or as much as she could, seeing how tall he was).

Sinjin looked like a wild creature trapped in the glare of headlights, but felt just as excited as he was nervous. "'Sup," he said shakily.

"Do you know who I am?" she asked fiercely, maintaining steely eye contact.

Sinjin felt his mouth go dry, but responded regardless. "Um...a hot exchange student?" he tried.

Sam unexpectedly made a loud sound like that of a game show buzzer when the contestant has lost. The boy flinched, and Sam reveled in his fear for a moment. "I am Sam Puckett," she explained slowly, so he would remember her words. "And I'm in charge now."

Sinjin nodded vigorously, accepting the blonde's words with admiration as he tried not to wet his pants.

Carly and Freddie watched, appalled, and Carly brought her hands to her face with a sigh. "Oh dear..." she murmured, disappointed.

Sam and Sinjin remained still for a moment, before Sam screeched "GO!" and he skittered out of sight.

She strolled back to her friends, triumphantly.

Carly shook her head slowly, and only managed to simply ask, "Why do it?"

The look on Freddie's face conveyed the same opinion.

Sam rolled her eyes and explained as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Because now he's gonna run off and tell all his dorky little friends, and then eventually this whole school will get it into their heads that I don't like to be messed with. Like at Ridgeway."

The blonde's smile wavered as Carly looked at her with a hint of sadness. "So you want everybody to just want to leave you alone?" the brunette guessed, already knowing the answer.

"I like it that way," Sam defended.

"Well you're never going to make any friends acting like that!" Carly frowned, trying to re-establish herself as a motherly figure to the wayward teen.

"I don't need any more friends," she stated simply. "I have you and the nub." She didn't stay for their reaction, her instincts picking up on the differing opinion of the others. She muttered something about finding a snack machine, and set off to scavenge.

"Can you believe her?" said Freddie when she was out of sight.

"What can I say?" Carly sighed. "She's not a people person."

* * *

><p>

* * *

><p>The Hollywood Arts gang were sat at their usual table at the Asphalt Cafe, after they had all gotten coffees (two for Beck, who was still a little grouchy).<p>

Robbie, Rex, Cat and Andre were huddled around Robbie's PearPad, letting out fits of laughter.

"What's so funny?" Tori asked, catching the giggles herself just watching them. She scurried up behind them to watch over their shoulders.

"We're watching iCarly," Robbie explained, tilting the screen so that Tori could watch Carly and Sam perform their "The Idiot Farm girl Who Thinks The Cowboy's Mustache Is A Squirrel" skit.

"Oh my God, they're hilarious!" she grinned.

"And famous," Andre pointed out. "Check out how many views this video has!"

"Wow, that's almost as many as the chimp who ate a top hat," Rex said, impressed.

"Let me watch," Beck leaned over, pulling away from Jade who had been resting on his shoulder. She glowered as her boyfriend joined the others' fun.

"Put the Twilight parody one on again!" Cat clapped excitedly.

"No, show Beck 'The Bra Who Tells Ghost Stories'!" Andre argued, chuckling again already.

"Don't you wanna watch, Jade?" Cat asked, concerned that her friend was missing out.

Jade just looked back at her, her mere expression telling the redhead 'this is Jade's GET LOST face'. Cat sighed, then went back to her giddy self, laughing with the others.

Jade blocked them out and began to contemplate the situation. When the others had signed up for the exchange, she couldn't have cared less. Not just because that was the image she preferred to put out there, but because she was expecting a bunch of foreignese nobodies that Beck and her friends wouldn't become remotely attached to.

Things had changed. She had barely even started on the road to accepting Tori into her close-knit social group, and even that had been difficult. Saying she had 'trust issues' was the equivalent of calling a fat man 'Tiny'. Cat, Robbie, Andre and Beck had been her comrades since elementary school, mostly due to being the only kids who came back after she pushed them away time and time again.

They were all people she admired - though she never told them so. Why let her guard down? Cat had an unwavering innocence through any adversity (and she'd been through a lot). Robbie was gentle, sensitive and funny (even if he didn't mean to be). Andre was loving, loyal, and scarily talented. Beck was...well, she could write a book about Beck and it wouldn't be enough to explain her feelings.

The simple fact was, Jade didn't like anybody messing with the bonds she'd been forging for years. She was teetering on the edge when it came to accepting Tori. She was a whole galaxy away from letting anyone else in.

"Aw, my battery's dying!" Robbie whined, just before the screen they were viewing went black.

"Well it serves you right for owning an outdated piece of equipment!" Rex chastised him, irritated. "Cavemen made that PearPad."

Jade continued to ignore them, pretending to look at her phone. Freddie wasn't a problem. She always seemed to get along with boys, especially the non-threatening ones. This new kid was harmless - heck, he liked toy trains and nerdy films. She could tolerate him.

She hadn't been able to fathom Sam out yet, which irritated her. On the occasions where she had let her known she was unwelcome, she'd noticed the blonde was holding back, like she wasn't being herself. Like a Jack Russell Terrier in a small cage. Still, she did have a few bits of valuable info about Sam courtesy of Freddie's speech. Maybe she could get more out of him later.

And then there was Carly. Tori Vega II: The Sequel. Although Jade didn't trust Sam's intentions, she was confident that the girl simply wasn't Beck's type. After all, she had many opposing features to Jade, simply by being blonde, small, and by wearing more layers than seemed necessary in California. Carly, however, was brunette, and wore clothes that hugged her feminine figure. She was clearly the bigger threat. And she was spending all morning with Beck.

"I wanted to watch the Twilight parody again," Cat sulked. "Freddie was cute in that."

"Ooh," Tori smiled, "does Cat have a crush?"

Beck, who had reached the end of his unusually short tether today when it came to Cat's infatuation, pulled some crayons and a coloring book out of Jade's bag and shoved it under the redhead's nose.

"Yay, coloring!" Cat clapped and opened the crayons.

Robbie mentally thanked Beck, finding himself fighting a sudden pang of jealousy. He wished Cat would light up like that when she spoke about him.

The boy's new train of thought derailed when Sinjin scuttled over and nudged him. "Hey Robbie, do you know where the nearest place that sells bacon is?" he asked as he fidgeted with his shirt.

"No, I don't really eat bacon. Why?"

"Because Sam needs to know," he said, his eyes already darting around for someone else to ask.

"Exchange student Sam?" Andre frowned. "iCarly Sam? She likes bacon?"

Sinjin nodded.

"But she's so small!" Cat giggled, coloring a blue kangaroo.

"Are you guys gonna tell me where I can get some or not?"

Jade's attention snapped up from her phone screen. "Since when did you become this girl's slave? She's not gonna go out with you, you're far too...Sinjin."

"I know..." he sighed. "But I think it's best to do as she says."

"Why?"

"Because..." he lowered her voice and leaned in to Jade, "she kind of frightens me."

"But she's so small!" Cat repeated. "She's not scary."

"Yeah. I think you're just frightened of girls in general," Andre dismissed him.

"That may be slightly true," Sinjin noted, "but it's more than that. She has a certain...ferocity. Also, you know that guy, Randy Bronson?"

"'Big Bad Bronson?" Beck questioned. "I thought he got expelled."

"He did, but then he came back to school anyway and nobody dared to argue. Anyway, he accidentally bumped into Sam and told her to watch where she was going, and she...she...she..."

"Spit it out!" Jade flicked a crayon at him, to snap him out of repeat mode.

"She slammed him into the lockers and then threw him to the floor." The others looked at him in disbelief. "I know," he said, agreeing with their surprise. "She's like a blonde ninja."

"And Bronson didn't destroy her?" Jade asked, a trace of disappointment in her voice.

Sinjin shook his head. "He cried and ran away," he said simply.

He stood there for a while, until Jade told him to "Leave now!" and he obliged without hesitation.

The group remained in a state of silence, sipping their coffees, mulling over the information they had received. Jade decided it was her duty to break the peace, and poked Beck in the shoulder. "I knew there was something not right about that chick."

"Wait, what kind of new and fun conclusions are we wildly leaping for this time?"

She pouted at his sarcasm. "Well this Sam Puckett is clearly some kind of juvenile delinquent freak."

"Jade!" Tori scolded. "We've only just met her. And she's been nothing but nice with me and Robbie all morning."

"Although we did do most of the work while she ate a load of sugar and took a nap," Robbie pointed out.

"Well she's new and she had to get her first impressions from Jade," Tori defended, locking eyes with her frenemy. "I heard you didn't give her the warmest of welcomes. Something about watching her while she slept?"

"I watch everyone while they sleep," Jade retorted. "I like seeing people sleeping. It makes me think about what they would look like if they were dead."

Everyone stared at her.

"Yeah. SAM'S the freak," Tori rolled her eyes.

"Anyway," Andre interrupted the escalating verbal battle, "even if she did do what Sinjin said she did, what does that matter? I mean, isn't it a good thing that she took out the school bully and made him weep like a sissy?"

Rex let out his trademark cackle. "Yeah, I like blondie. What's wrong with a girl with an edge?"

"Hey guys!" Carly said cheerily as she and Freddie joined them.

"Of course," the puppet continued, "I also like perky brunettes with a sunny disposition."

Robbie looked embarrassed, and glanced apologetically at Carly. "I'm sorry, I really don't condone his behavior."

"That's because his ability to have fun was removed at birth," Rex guffawed.

Beck shoved a paper bag over the puppet's head. "So Carly, are you ready for another round of acting class?"

"Sure," she smiled. "I'm loving it so far."

Jade's hatred for her continued to rise.

"What kind of scene are you crazy kids working on?" asked Andre, smiling broadly at Carly as he shuffled closer to her.

"Um, I guess it's kind of a dramatic piece," Carly replied thoughtfully. "It's about this couple in wartime who have to deal with the fact that their child has-"

"-Couple?" Jade broke in. "As in…two people in love? As in, played by you and MY boyfriend?"

"…Yes?" Carly responded, carefully.

Beck groaned. "Would you chill, Jade?"

"Who came up with that idea?" she ignored him.

"We all did!" Cat said proudly. "See, Beck wanted it to be set in a different time, and-"

"-You don't need to tell her, Cat," said Beck, placing a hand on the redhead's shoulder.

"Kay kay," she replied, forgetting what she was saying anyway and instead focusing on catching Freddie's eye.

As they heard the bell ring, the gang were grateful – although all for different reasons. Carly was happy she wouldn't continue to be interrogated by Jade. Jade wanted time to plan her next move. Tori, Freddie, Andre and Cat wanted to carry on with their work, trying not to get involved in the others' problems. Beck needed to be away from Jade for a while. Robbie wanted Freddie away from Cat for a while.

Oh, and Sam wanted bacon, but she would have to wait. The bell didn't really solve her problem.

**A/N: Thanks for all the awesome reviews and PMs, you guys seriously rock. If you want to tell me your views on this story but are too shy to review, send me a PM! I promise I won't bite. ;) Also, Randy Bronson isn't made up - if you check out one of the deleted scenes on The Slap website with Cat and Robbie breaking bad news by song, I'm sure you'll find him.**

**Anyway, tune in next time to see what Jade does to Carly for getting too close to Beck...**


	5. Chapter 5: The Fall Of Carly Shay

**A/N: Hey everybody, sorry this is late, had a lot going on this past week, but I've still been writing - it's just taken me a long time to upload! Thanks for your patience, let me know if it was worth it! I love your reviews. :)**

The teenagers gathered back in class and Sikowitz just had time to tell them to continue with their projects, before rushing down the hall, muttering about forgetting his grandmother at the store.

Tori and Robbie took their seats. Tori watched the boy as he began to fidget, chewing his nails and tapping his foot while she pulled their script out of her backpack.

"What's up with you?" she asked, and he flinched at her voice.

"Aren't you kind of...concerned about Sam?" he said warily, watching the door in anticipation of the blonde's arrival.

Tori laughed. "No, why should I be? She's been with us all morning and we haven't seen her be remotely violent or threatening. I think Sinjin just has his underpants on too tight or something."

"But she's not been at full capacity all morning," Robbie pressed. "I mean, she was all sleepy, and hungry, and-"

"Are you gonna name all of the seven dwarves?"

He made a face at her comment. "I just mean...not just anyone beats up the school bully. And do you know what happens to the kid who defeats the school bully?" he got closer to Tori's face than she was comfortable with as he quizzed her.

"Uh...they get a parade?" she guessed, still amused at his irrational behavior, and blowing a shot of air at his face so he would back off again.

"No, Tori," he said seriously. "They BECOME the school bully."

"Hey guys," Sam greeted, making her two partners jump.

"Hi Sam!" Robbie squeaked. Rex shook his head, embarrassed.

"Hey, we didn't get to see you at the Asphalt Cafe," said Tori as the girl sat down. "I hope you didn't get lost. I know this place can be a bit of a maze when you're not used to it."

"Naah, it was all good. I just wanted to scope out where all the best snack machines were." Sam swung her feet up onto another chair and placed her hands behind her head.

She frowned, picking up on the nervous tension from the other two, as neither met her eyes.

"Well," Tori said eventually, "I guess we better start rehearsing the scene right? How about we start with-"

"-Aw I can't take this, why don't we just cut the chizz?" Rex barked, his head swiveling to face the new girl. "Did you take out Big Bad Randy Bronson?"

Robbie opened his mouth to chastise the puppet, but found himself waiting for Sam's response. Tori just looked awkward.

"You heard about that, huh?" Sam was surprised at how fast news traveled in this school.

"It's true?" Tori blurted out, before covering her mouth. "Sorry, it's just...wow."

"Nice job!" Rex guffawed.

Robbie looked at him. "So you're okay with this?"

"Didn't Bronson give you a nuclear wedgie in the locker room last week?" the puppet pointed out, making his guardian blush.

Sam's interest perked up. "What's a 'nuclear' wedgie?"

"Painful..." Robbie shuddered at the memory.

"Did he threaten you?" Tori grew concerned, placing a hand on the girl's arm. "He didn't hurt you, did he?"

Sam grinned at her. "Nope. I think I scared him off."

"Heh heh, nice." Rex approved. "I like a girl who can take charge."

Sam raised an eyebrow at Robbie. "Seriously, dude. What up with the puppet?"

* * *

><p>

* * *

><p>"What's that on your arm?" Jade asked Freddie, grabbing his shoulder before he could sit down to inspect the angry-looking bruise just below his t-shirt sleeve. She'd always been fascinated by pain.<p>

Freddie cleared his throat and did his best to ignore the fact that Jade's hair was brushing against his skin. "It's a bruise."

The girl shot him a deadpan expression. "It is?" she said, coating her tone with sarcasm and a southern accent, before snapping back to Jade mode. "How did you get it?"

Andre shook his head at her in disbelief. "Y'know, there are some days where you're just straight up creepy, do you know that?"

She returned a look to her friend, a glance that conveyed not only "of course I know", but also "you've no idea just HOW creepy". Andre kept his mouth shut.

"Sam did it," Freddie confessed reluctantly. "I tricked her and Carly into coming with me to a film about cybernetics."

"So she punched you?" Jade released him, and looked amused.

"Yep," he sighed, sitting next to Andre. "Right after she called me a 'dork weasel'. Honestly I think she just spends all her free time thinking of ways to torture me."

"Perhaps someone needs to torture HER..." Jade said thoughtfully.

"Sounds to me like Sam likes you," Andre said with a smile, ignoring Jade.

"HA!" Freddie burst out, a little too loudly. He blushed when everyone in the room cast their eyes in him for a moment, before continuing their discussions.

Andre chuckled. "Of course, I could be wrong."

"What about your other friend? The sickeningly chirpy one?" Jade interrogated. "No behind-the-web-show romance with Seattle Barbie?"

"Nope," Freddie said blankly. The fact that Jade had just insulted his best friend made him uncomfortable, but it was slightly outweighed by his recollection of all the times he'd followed Carly around like a love-sick spaniel, only to be repeatedly rejected. Still, he thought glumly, that was in the past.

"I love iCarly by the way," Andre interrupted, dispelling the awkward. "Funny stuff, man."

"Thanks," Freddie smiled, his spirits lifting. "It's a lot of fun to do."

"You planning on filming any of it during your trip? I could totally write some music for you guys. You know...if you wanted."

"Sure, that would be awesome!" Freddie nodded.

"All right!" Andre grinned.

* * *

><p>

* * *

><p>Beck was finally feeling brighter, although it had taken three cups of very black coffee to get him there.<p>

"So," he smiled at his partners, "I guess we should carry on working on the dialogue."

Cat nodded vigorously before looking to Carly with her inquisitive eyes. "I bet you're great with dialogue, aren't you, Carly?"

The other girl looked flummoxed and smiled nervously. "Er, I can give it a shot."

"She's so modest!" Cat giggled to Beck, before grinning at the new girl. "We were watching iCarly in our break, you and Sam are hilarious!"

Cat launched into a series of impressions of various iCarly skits, apparently performing to herself.

Beck brushed his hair from his eyes and offered a lop-sided grin to Carly. "She's right y'know, you guys put on a great show."

"Thanks," Carly replied with a shy smile, still uncomfortable about being flattered by people she was sure were far more talented than her. "I'm not sure comedy lines are quite what we're looking for for our scene, though."

"Writing dramatic dialogue is pretty easy once you get into it," Beck reassured her, before nudging Cat. "Let's show her the ad lib thing."

"Kay kay!" Cat grinned, before unexpectedly frowning and screaming, "I thought you said the nuclear bomb was harmless!"

"It was," Beck sniveled in a nerdy voice, "we developed it to make fireworks look even more awesome. Is it our fault it got into the hands of warmongers?"

"YES!" Cat barked. "You've ruined world peace for everyone!"

"I'm so sorry sir...what can we do to rectify the situation?"

"Well clearly we're going to have to call Godzilla," Cat replied.

The two of them then returned to themselves and smiled at Carly, who applauded their performance.

"Wow," the brunette grinned, "you guys just made that up right now?"

"Sure did," Beck answered, leaning back into his chair. "Once you get going and get into character, the words just sort of...appear in your mind."

For the first time that morning, Beck was beginning to enjoy class again. Acting was his passion, and in sharing it with someone else it was like rediscovering it all over again.

* * *

><p>

* * *

><p>As Andre and Freddie rehearsed their parts of their scene, Jade kept an eagle eye on Beck. She couldn't entirely make out everything he and Carly were saying, but the way he reached forward and took hold of the new girl's hand, looking into her eyes with his soulful expression, made Jade bristle with anger.<p>

The logical part of her brain said 'they're just acting, idiot'. Beck was by far the best actor in Sikowitz's class and he could convincingly romance an old gym sock if the script asked for it. However, jealousy seeped across her judgment like spilt ink, and - in her mind - Carly seemed to be enjoying their little play a bit too much.

That was when she knew - she'd have to do something drastic to totally set it in stone for this new rival that Beck was forbidden territory.

* * *

><p>

* * *

><p>Lunch time. Having pretty much finished writing their scenes, Sikowitz's group was on a high, and chattered away to each other as they waited in line at The Grub Truck.<p>

Jade noticed Carly, Beck and Cat were at the very end of the queue, and mentally noted that the situation couldn't be more perfect.

Ignoring the fact that Tori was speaking to her, Jade totally blanked the brunette and strolled purposefully to the end of the line, flashing a feline smirk to Carly.

"Uh hey!" Carly responded cheerfully. Beck's girlfriend was still making her nervous but she decided to be cheerful regardless.

And Jade inwardly hated her for it. "Hi...Carly right?" she said in a saccharine voice, knowing perfectly well what her name was.

"Right, and you're Jade. Beck tells me you're a talented writer," Carly said with interest.

Jade shot a questioning glare at her boyfriend. "Just writer?"

"And actress and singer," Beck explained as though it was obvious.

"She also bakes great fairy cakes!" chirped Cat, before looking guilty when Jade gave her a horrified look. "...But we're not supposed to tell anyone," she added quietly, looking at her shoes.

Beck stifled a laugh and they all moved a few steps closer to buying lunch.

Eventually everyone except Carly and Jade had bought what they wanted and taken a seat on the packed-out quad.

Jade's plan was simple, as it had been for Tori - there was nothing better for putting someone else in their place than good old humiliation.

For girly-girls, this was simple. Girls like that were obsessed with how others perceived them. It didn't take much to mortify a priss. It hadn't entirely worked with Tori, who she had underestimated. She'd got over having coffee poured over her head pretty quickly - but at least she knew that Beck was taken.

She figured it would be easier to break Carly. Unlike Vega, this girl was in a totally new environment - Tori had grown up here in L.A., whereas this kid was from a whole other state. Carly also didn't have the bravado that came with stage performing. Sure, she hosted this iCarly thing, but she did it from the safety of her own little world.

Jade leaned forward and tapped the web host on the shoulder. "You should totally get the soup and mashed potato," she said with a smile.

Man, being nice was a lot of work.

"Really?" Carly replied, uncertain at such an odd combination.

"Totally! It's legendary at this school, trust me."

"Okay..." Carly moved forward and smiled at Festus, The Grub Truck operator.

"Whaddyou want?" he asked flatly.

"Um..." she looked back to Jade who gave her two thumbs up. "...I'll have the soup and mashed potato, please."

Festus looked at her like she was insane, but prepared the meal and took Carly's cash. "Okay, enjoy...I guess."

"Yo Carly!" Andre hollered across the quad. "Come sit over here!"

Carly flashed a smile, balanced her tray in her hands, and walked forwards.

Jade pretended to look at the sky as she stuck out one of her combat boots, and made Carly go flying.

Sam, Freddie, and pretty much everyone else on the quad watched in horror as Carly shrieked, fell forwards, and landed face-first into her lunch.

"Ohmygosh," Freddie jumped to his feet and ran to his friend, helping her to her feet with Sam.

"You forget how to walk, kiddo?" the blonde asked gently.

Carly was stunned, like she was living in slow motion.

Cat ran to them too, and looked concerned. "Carly..." she said sympathetically. "You're all...covered in green mush."

The others joined them, and Carly wondered if the blush burning into her cheeks was starting to melt the food on her face.

Tears beaded in the corners of her eyes, and Tori protectively put an arm around her and began to swiftly lead her away. "C'mon," she said reassuringly, "let's get you cleaned up."

"What happened?" Robbie asked, his view blocked by the others.

"Carly was just-"

"-Clumsy," Jade interrupted Cat as she slid into a chair with a wide smile, setting down her lunch on the table.

Cat, Andre and Robbie looked at each other, uncertain. They didn't actually SEE Jade trip Carly, but they knew Jade - and so they pretty much knew what she'd done.

Beck was under no illusions, and just stared at her before eventually muttering, "you're unbelievable."

"Thanks," she replied happily, ignoring his tone.

As the Hollywood Arts gang reluctantly joined her at the table, Freddie looked to Sam. "Uh, aren't you going with Tori to help Carly?" he asked, feeling useless since he couldn't follow into the girl's bathroom.

Sam stood there, her figure tense, her hands clenched, and Jade West in her crosshairs. "I'll help Carly alright," she replied through gritted teeth.

Worry spread across Freddie's face and he backed up a little, unsure whether the blonde would explode with anger at any time. "What are you gonna do?"

Sam didn't reply, or even look at him. She just disappeared into the school.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Do you wanna see Sam's revenge? Sure ya do! Make sure to tune in next time! If you want extra updates, follow my at my brand spanking new twitter account fatcaketacos. It's like danwarp, only less good. Laters!**


	6. Chapter 6: One Sam Army

Sam was angry - that much was clear. But she was also tired and conflicted. For her, Carly was the best friend she'd ever known, and also her moral compass. Sam knew that Carly wouldn't want her getting into any trouble that could jeopardize the trip. That meant no violence - at least not in school.

But she hated that Carly was hurt, and she hated that she couldn't beat this witch chick into a new millennium. She paced the fluorescent school halls like a caged tiger, growling to herself.

Everything about this school was strange to her. There were kids dancing around, skipping with joy, as if they actually wanted to be here. The lockers practically radiated individuality. There was a fat guy playing a flute. It was like Bizarro School, like…

...Sam stopped pacing. The lockers. The most devious cogs in her mind clicked into action.

She saw the gawky-looking kid from earlier and beckoned him over with a "Hey! Uh...you!"

"Sinjin," Sinjin explained as he walked over to her, still kind of in awe of her.

"Don't care," she responded. "So you guys each have your own lockers here? No sharing or anything?"

"Uh huh," Sinjin nodded, gesturing to his own locker. "That one's mine. It's covered in food that I-"

"-Yeah great, which one's Jade's?" she asked, her patience fading rapidly.

"Jade West's? It's the one over there, the one covered in scissors. Jade likes scissors," he said dreamily. "Do you like scissors?"

"I'm pretty ambivalent."

"Oh."

Sinjin wavered there for a moment, an awkward smile plastered on his face, until Sam barked "Leave!" and he scuttled off.

* * *

><p>

* * *

><p>Freddie passed Cat on his way back to the lunch table, where he sat with Andre, Robbie, Beck and Jade. He wasn't really sure how he was supposed to react, but his main instinct was to defend Carly.<p>

"What was that for?" he asked Jade, hurt and confusion on his face.

"Relax," Jade smiled, "it was all part of a Hollywood Arts initiation. She passed!" she lied, like it was second nature.

Freddie furrowed his eyebrows, skeptical. "Initiation?"

"Sure," Jade explained, now dealing with Beck, Robbie and Andre's suspicious stares as well. "It's like an ice-breaker. If we feel a newbie needs toughening up a bit before she has to deal with being in stage in front of an audience, we humiliate her in front of a crowd. It's like saying 'hey, this is the worst thing that could possibly happen'. It helps take the fear away."

She smiled sweetly before drinking her coffee.

"I guess that makes sense," Freddie decided.

Beck and Andre exchanged glances, still not entirely convinced, but accepting it simply to keep the peace.

"Wait..." Robbie frowned, "...is that why you guys pulled my pants down in the middle of my solo in 'Annie'?"

"No, that was just for fun," Jade grinned as Freddie tried not to laugh.

"And because you were singing the solo in 'Annie'," Beck added, while Andre bumped his fist in agreement.

Robbie sulked and stabbed a fork into his salad.

* * *

><p>

* * *

><p>Carly had managed to calm down after the initial shock of the situation, and had managed to get composed again.<p>

Tori remained a little concerned about her. She was also furious with Jade for being even more of a gank than usual, and for upsetting a sweet girl who's only crime was taking part in an exchange trip.

"How are you feeling?" she asked, helping Carly to dab away the last of the food from her face.

"Better," the girl cracked a smile. "Less like I just face-planted mushed slime."

Tori giggled, then sighed. "I cannot believe Jade did that. Well, actually I can, I mean...she's Jade. But it was still super mean, even for her."

"I've barely even spoken to her," Carly began to make her case, but Tori waved her down.

"I know. On my first day here she poured coffee on my head in front of the whole class. And that was after she made me a dog in our play."

"So it's not just me she hates, then?" Carly laughed.

"I think basically if you're any girl except Cat and you breath the same air as Beck, she automatically wants to make your life miserable."

"Good to know."

They laughed while Cat entered the bathroom, looking even more excited than usual.

"Hi! I brought you some clothes. Y'know...'cause yours got all gross," she beamed at Carly and presented her with a clean blouse and a pair of jeans. "They're from the costume department. I don't think anyone was using them."

"Aw great idea, Cat!" Tori said as Carly inspected the clothes with sounds of approval.

"These are great, how did you know my size?"

"It's a gift," the redhead giggled, perching on one of the sinks. "I know everyone's exact measurements just by looking at them."

"How convenient," Carly laughed.

* * *

><p>

* * *

><p>Sam Puckett was on a mission. She hadn't worked out all the finer details of her devilish scheme yet, but she'd found from past experience that it was much more fun to be spontaneous.<p>

She noticed a gaggle of girls walking by, all yapping away inanely to each other, while struggling to carry a whole load of pillows. A smile glimmered on her face as she ran up to join them.

"Hey, what's with all this?" she asked, pretending to be interested.

"They're for a play," one of the bimbo's responded cheerfully. "It's one of Michael's. Do you know Michael? Well, anyway, he's totally directing this play about a princess who sleeps on tons of pillows but can't sleep because underneath all those pillows is a pea. It's so original!" she squeaked, and the other girls squealed their agreement.

Sam had to work very hard not to roll her eyes and yawn. "Sounds great, do you need any help?"

"That's so sweet!" the bimbo beamed. There's some more pillows stacked in the main auditorium, so you could get those if you like."

"Cool," Sam grinned, and even managed a completely exaggerated girly wave as the Barbies departed.

* * *

><p>

* * *

><p>"Okay," Carly emerged from one of the stalls in her new outfit. "Let's go back to lunch."<p>

"Yay you look awesome!" Cat clapped, hopping off the sink and giving her a hug.

"Are you sure you wanna go back?" Tori raised an eyebrow. "I mean, we can wait a while if you're not ready."

"No honestly, I'm fine," Carly smiled reassuringly. "I'm just gonna go back like nothing's even happened. And if someone mentions it, well then I'll just laugh about it. It's not like I've never been covered in food before. I mean, you've seen iCarly."

Tori grinned, instantly liking the new girl even more. She had a great sense of humor and was really down to earth, and Tori just somehow knew they'd get to be great friends.

As they left the bathroom, they almost bumped into Sikowitz.

"Uh hey," Tori said. "What are you up to?"

"Up to?" the teacher repeated with a nervous laugh, immediately concealing something under the huge jacket he was wearing. "Why, nothing!"

Cat frowned and cocked her head on one side. "Your jacket's moving."

Sikowitz froze, before blurting out, "...So is yours!" and hurrying out of sight.

Tori shook her head. "I swear that guy gets nuttier every week."

Cat looked down at herself. "...I'm not wearing a jacket."

"C'mon," Carly chuckled, "let's go get some food, I'm starving!"

* * *

><p>

* * *

><p>Sikowitz hastily moved down the corridor, eyes to the ground so as not to attract attention. He was relieved that most of the students seemed to be outside enjoying the sun, however the sight of one student looking straight at him with wide eyes made him stop in his tracks.<p>

Sam stood a few feet away, stock still as though she'd been caught in a searchlight.

"Sam…" Sikowitz gave her a nod of acknowledgement.

"Teach…" Sam returned the gesture.

They stood awkwardly for a moment. Sam noted the strange scuffling sound coming from the man's jacket, and his nervous demeanor. The teacher coughed as a raccoon momentarily appeared from his sleeve, before darting back in when he shifted uncomfortably.

Sikowitz had taught enough acting classes to know what a guilty expression looked like, and right now the blonde girl may as well be the prime example. He looked down at the large vat labeled 'honey' that she was carrying, which dripped slightly onto her sneakers.

They locked eyes again for a moment, before Sikowitz cleared his throat and suggested, "I didn't see anything if you didn't."

She raised her eyebrows slightly in surprise before she replied, "Deal."

Without another word, they both continued with their separate tasks.

* * *

><p>

* * *

><p>"Hey, we're back!" Tori greeted as she, Carly and Cat pulled up chairs to join the others.<p>

Jade prepared for a verbal assault from the new girl, but became slightly puzzled when it never came. Instead, Carly simply smiled widely as Andre motioned for her to sit next to him.

"You okay?" Freddie whispered, placing a protective hand on Carly's arm.

She nodded and mouthed a thank you.

Jade watched them and sulked.

"Glad to have you back," Robbie said cheerfully.

"Nice to see you're not wearing your food now," Rex noted, and Jade smirked.

Carly giggled. "Uh yeah, not my best moment. But never mind, at least now I have some edible food to eat."

The others relaxed, glad the tension seemed to have dissipated.

"Hey, where's Sam?" Beck questioned. "I thought she went off with you guys."

"No," Carly frowned, "I haven't seen her."

"I hope she's not lost," he said with concern, ignoring his girlfriend's scowl.

"Uh, she said she needed to get some fresh air," Freddie spluttered, having never been the best liar.

"But...we're outside," Tori said, looking around.

"Oh I know..." Freddie struggled, "but see...when Sam says fresh air, she actually means fresh air that you get inside buildings." Everyone stared at him, and his face reddened. "Hey, I never understand what she's talking about!"

He looked to Carly for help and she immediately read his expression. "I'm sure she's fine, I'll send her a text. She's probably gone hunting for fried chicken or something."

"You have to hunt fried chicken?" Cat gasped. "I never knew that!"

Everyone rolled their eyes at her, but in a good-natured way. Freddie breathed a sigh of relief that the pressure was off, and exchanged a look of anxiety with Carly. Whatever Sam was up to, they were both certain it wasn't anything good.

"Well, since we're all done eating," said Jade, ignoring Tori and Carly's full trays, "I'm going for a walk around campus."

She stood up, expecting her loyal subjects to follow suit. Her pride took a hit when she waited for a few minutes and nobody acknowledged her, too busy chatting. She sighed in exasperation and strode away.

Andre noticed her departure out of the corner of his eye and then jogged after her. "Yo Jade, wait up!"

She covered up her sadness quickly and let him catch up.

"Hey," he grinned at her. "Haven't had much chance to chat to you today. I mean, about something other than the script."

"Missing the love?" she joked.

For a split second his heart twinged - she couldn't know about his past crush, could she? No. No, there was no way Tori would've said anything. It didn't matter, he was over it. Mostly. "Naah I just like to spread my Andre friendship evenly, you know."

"How considerate of you," she smirked.

"You know it!"

"So what did you wanna talk about?"

"Well," he scratched the back of his neck nervously, "how 'bout this. I kinda like Carly."

Jade made a gagging sound and then laughed when Andre elbowed her.

"Hey, I'm opening my feelings up, here!" he said in annoyance.

"Yes but I'm Jade West. You wanna talk sap, you need to find either a Vega or a Valentine. Or maybe a Shapiro."

"Well I just wanted to mention it to you, so maybe you wouldn't keep buggin' about Carly and Beck," he explained.

She narrowed her eyes at him, but he just smiled and raised an eyebrow at her.

"I don't know what you mean," she coughed.

"Oh sure, right. So like you haven't been on the warpath with her all morning. You know Beck would never cheat. He ain't like that. Heck, you should know that better than anyone."

She looked at her shoes as they continued to walk, and Andre placed a hand on her shoulder. "So...no more initiations with my future wife, alright?" he winked.

"We'll see," she managed a smile. It bugged her that he was completely right, but it didn't banish her insecurity. Still, it pleased her to know that Andre was interested in Carly. She figured her friend deserved a girlfriend who wasn't a total psychopath. And if he took Carly off the market, that was officially two birds with one stone.

The bell rang, and Andre rubbed his hands together. "Well, I guess it's performance time. Let's do this thang!"

"You go ahead, I just gotta get another pen from my locker."

"Jade, I can lend you a pen."

"I know, but it wouldn't be a pitch black pen with rubber spikes on it, would it?" she asked, quirking an eyebrow.

"No," he admitted.

"Okay then. See you in class."

**A/N: Yikes guys, kind of a cliffhanger for you…because coming up very soon, you'll find out what Sam's been planning. And it ain't pretty. But reviews are, so write 'em and send 'em my way! Or just send me a pm/follow me on twitter (I'm fatcaketacos). I'll love you either way. :)**


	7. Chapter 7: The Honey Trap

"'Gonna be a teeny weeny bit late back to class, chat amongst yourselves and don't kill anyone'," Andre read from the whiteboard aloud. "Well it's nice to know Sikowitz trusts us."

"He was acting even weirder than usual earlier," Tori told him as she and everyone else except Jade and Sam joined him in the classroom.

"Tori are you doing hair and makeup and stuff differently for your scene?" Cat asked, winding her hair around her finger.

"Uh oh," Andre rolled his eyes, "girly chat. I suggest a man meeting. Beck, Freddie, get over here!"

The boys grinned as they joined him, but Robbie looked disgruntled. "Hey! Aren't you forgetting someone?"

"Oh, sorry. Rex, get over here!"

Rex laughed and Robbie screwed his face up. "Aw c'mon Rob. You can join us. You might learn something."

Robbie traipsed over to the group and Andre patted him on the back as they sat down, reassuring him that he was only fooling around.

Sam strolled into the classroom and as soon as Carly noticed her she grabbed her by the arm. "Where have you been?" she hissed.

Sam simply smiled like a Cheshire cat, causing Carly to frown.

"You've got that look on your face!" the brunette said sharply, not letting go of Sam's arm.

"What look?" she replied innocently.

Realizing that both Tori and Cat were watching them with fascination, Carly gave them a weak smile and said, "Excuse us a moment," before leading Sam into the corner and answering her question - "That 'I've just done something bad' look."

"I have a 'look' for that now?" she said, wistfully.

Carly released her arm, but remained angry. "What part of 'stay-out-of-trouble' did you not get?" she snapped, smacking Sam's arm with her script with every syllable she spoke.

"Hey, calm down Carls!" the blonde backed up out of range.

Tori and Cat observed them from a distance as the Seattle students continued to bicker, and Tori couldn't help but be amused at Carly wielding a rolled up script and Sam holding her hands up in surrender.

Cat giggled. "Do you think they're rehearsing something for iCarly?"

"Maybe," Tori shrugged, as Carly rejoined them looking flustered.

"Sorry about that," she said, inwardly wazzed off that she hadn't gotten her friend to admit to anything.

"Not a problem," Tori said brightly. "We were just..." she trailed off when she saw Jade appear in the doorway.

Robbie's jaw dropped, as did Rex's.

The entire room fell silent as Jade slowly entered. Every step she took was accompanied by a squelch and what sounded like a low growl. She was absolutely covered, from her head to her combat boots, with thick, golden honey. It oozed down her arms as she walked.

For Jade though, being drenched in a bucket-load of honey as soon as she'd opened her locker was not the worst part. The worst part was the bucket of snow-white feathers that had fallen a few seconds later, instantly gluing themselves all over her.

"Ew Jade, you're all sticky," Cat pointed out rather obviously before flinching under her friend's angry gaze.

"...W,w,w...what happened?" Tori gulped, kind of wishing she hadn't been the one to ask. She'd seen Jade furious before, but this was a whole new level.

"...What _happened_?" Jade repeated slowly in a poisonous whisper. Tori took a few steps back and hid behind Cat. "What do you think happened?"

"Is it a costume for your play?" Cat guessed, puzzled.

"No Cat, it is most definitely NOT," Jade replied through gritted teeth.

"Shouldn't you go...do something?" Andre whispered, nudging Beck.

Beck shook his head. "I value my life."

He knew his girlfriend could handle herself, and he thought it best to stay out of her way while she did.

"Somebody did this to me," Jade spat, before looking straight at Carly.

Carly instantly became nervous, and was grateful when Tori took it upon herself to stand between her and Jade. "Hey, it can't have been Carly. She was with me and Cat all lunch time," she said forcefully.

"That's true," Cat added. "We were trying to get all the mashed potato and soup out of her hair."

"What is this stuff?" Sikowitz tried to scrape the honey from his shoes before doing a double take. "Whoa, Jade! Points for originality!" he applauded as he came into the room.

"This is not for the stupid scene!" the girl explained angrily.

"Wait..." Tori said suspiciously. "Is this like that time you made it look like a hit you in the eye when I didn't just so I'd get in trouble?"

Jade stared at her for a moment, then raised her hand and flicked a globule of honey in Tori's face.

Tori grimaced as she wiped it off. "So...that's a 'no', then."

"Jade you should probably go and get cleaned up," Sikowitz suggested, taking a sip of his coconut. "You look like a disgruntled chicken."

"Fine," the girl growled, before turning to the rest of the room, "but know this - as soon as I find out which of you did this to me, you're gonna _wish_ you were dead!"

And with that, she stormed out of sight, squelching along the way.

Sikowitz chuckled. "Oh, Jade. Such a calm and reasonable young lady."

"Should I go and help her?" Cat asked, rocking back and forth on her toes.

"Yes Cat, off you go," the teacher sighed. "I guess we'll postpone the scenes until you're back."

"Kay Kay," Cat skittered off.

"What are we gonna do until they come back?" Robbie asked.

"I dunno," Sikowitz shrugged. "I guess you kids should just carry on talking and getting to know each other. And perhaps try not to dump honey on anyone's head..." he flashed a brief glance at Sam.

"_Raccoon_!" Sam pretended to sneeze.

"Bless you," he said, getting her point and settling down to grade some papers.

Tori turned back to Carly with a look of consternation. "I don't know who pulled the prank, but I wouldn't like to be them right now."

For a second Carly hesitated, wondering whether to say anything. But she figured she trusted Tori, and was really beginning to appreciate being able to speak honestly to another girl, and one similar to herself.

"I know who did it," she sighed, holding her head in her hands in defeat.

"What? But who would-" Tori frowned as Sam rejoined them, and she finally clicked onto who was to blame.

"What goes on?" the blonde asked casually.

"Sam," Tori said slowly, "did you do that to Jade?"

The blonde leaned against the wall with a smile, and pretended to search the ceiling for an answer. "If you're asking me whether I think she deserved it, then I will say yes. As to whether I strategically positioned some honey and the feathers from ten pillows so that they would collide with her...I can neither confirm nor deny," she sniffed.

Tori looked at her quizzically, trying to make sense of her reply.

"There's honey all over your shoes!" Carly groaned, her voice muffled in her hands still.

Sam looked down and inspected her sneakers, and when she looked back up both Carly and Tori had their hands on their hips, and their eyebrows raised expectantly.

It bugged her that Carly had the power. Sam couldn't stand causing her friend to be disappointed with her, and felt like a child being scolded by her mother. Well, not Sam's actual mother. A normal mother.

And now here was this Tori chick, just as impossibly perfect as Carly, just as able to effortlessly climb to the moral high ground and make the blonde experience pangs of guilt.

The problem was, that she wasn't at all sorry for the trouble she'd caused. Just that she'd got caught.

She rolled her eyes and exhaled sharply. "Alright fine. But I saw what she did to Carly and I didn't want her to think she could just get away with it."

"So you couldn't have just talked to Jade about it?" Tori berated her.

Sam folded her arms and avoided their gaze. "I'm more of an actions-speak-louder-than-words kind of girl."

"Oh dear..." Tori stated simply, watching Carly close her eyes and slowly shake her head, hearing a phrase she'd heard many times before.

* * *

><p>

* * *

><p>"Well I always knew she was a honey," Rex cackled, earning withering looks from the boys. "Aw, come on. I'm just trying to make the best of a sticky situation."<p>

"I have never, ever seen Jade that mad before," Andre shivered.

"Me neither," Robbie agreed.

"You're still trembling," Rex added.

Freddie sighed deeply, feeling awkward, and Beck picked up on it. Beck was a quiet guy, but an observant one. As soon as Jade had walked in, he'd mulled it over in his brain.

He decided that Sam, who was the only one not around for half of lunchtime, and who was best friends with his girlfriend's latest victim, was the likeliest aggressor.

"So," he said calmly to Freddie, "Sam is a feisty one."

Freddie slumped down in his chair, defeated. "That's one word for it. I'd also have accepted 'obnoxious', 'abrasive', 'demon', 'harbinger of chaos'..."

"I get the idea," Beck laughed.

"Hold up...Sam pranked Jade? So the whole dangerous babe bit isn't just an act on iCarly, then?" Andre tried to understand. Robbie gave him a look like he was a bit slow, so he added defensively "What? I thought she was playing a character. Like that Gibby kid."

"Nope," Freddie said, disappointment in his voice. "And Gibby really is that bizarre."

"Oh man..." Andre tried to process the new information.

Freddie wrung his hands with embarrassment, and reluctantly looked at Beck. "I'm really sorry she acted like that. I mean, if I knew she was going to go to such an extreme with Jade..."

Beck shook his head, forever chilled, and leaned forward in his chair to reassure the new kid. "Hey, it's not like Jade's the completely innocent party. It's always just been kind of expected that she holds the power around here. She was bound to get challenged sooner or later."

He leaned back in his chair and looked thoughtful for a while. "Maybe if she feels like she doesn't have to be the leader all the time, she might mellow out a bit."

"Yeah," Rex snorted, "I can see that happening right after world peace is declared by a flying pig."

Andre and Robbie shared a glance that said they agreed with the puppet.

* * *

><p>

* * *

><p>Jade, who had never been even remotely interested in sport, had nevertheless been forced to use one of the gym showers. Just another major irritant she was adding to her brand new list.<p>

She had many lists of things she hated. It soothed her to write them down in elaborate fonts on crisp, white paper. She couldn't wait to start a new one. It would be entitled - 'Sam Puckett'.

Yes, though a maelstrom of rage had previously clouded her judgment, Jade had clicked onto exactly where she should be directing her anger. Of course it hadn't been Carly - she would never have the guts, especially on her first day and so soon after her little trip.

Jade had underestimated Sam, but it was not a mistake she would make twice. In a way, it was exhilarating. Her new little project - make Sam miserable.

She smiled to herself, even as she shampooed her hair for the seventh time and still found streaks of honey.

"Jade?" Cat called out warily. She had been sat on a bench in the locker room for half an hour, having retrieved a suitably dark outfit for her friend from the costume department.

"Hmm?" she replied happily.

"What are you humming in there? Is that 'Beggin' On Your Knees'? I love that song!"

"So do I," Jade smiled. That blonde demon was going to pay big time.

**A/N: Hope you liked this one! Thanks to all you new people who have signed up and favourited/followed this story, I hope you continue to enjoy reading it. Reviews may help you save my ever-fading sanity, so I'd appreciate it - or a PM if your shy. You can also stalk my twitter - fatcaketacos - where I often talk to myself. Catch ya later!**


	8. Chapter 8: The Play's The Thing

As the class waited for Jade and Cat to return, they continued to use the time to chat.

Tori and Carly had gotten a chair each, and they glanced over at Sam who had curled up on the floor asleep, her head rested on her backpack and a satisfied smile on her face.

"I guess her intentions were good," Tori shrugged at Carly, smiling a little. "I mean, she did it for you. Kind of sweet, really."

Carly snorted and looked unconvinced. "I wouldn't have minded if she'd just yelled at Jade," she explained. "But she took it too far - and I think a lot of it was just so she could entertain herself."

Before they could say anything further, Cat and Jade finally appeared.

Fully expecting Jade to still be livid, Tori was surprised to see she actually looked quite composed, and even smiled without hesitation as Sikowitz welcomed her back.

Still, she knew the girl well enough to know that this wasn't a good sign. If Jade had harnessed her feelings, it generally meant she was building them up for the perfect strike - like a coiled serpent you might mistake for napping before it bit into your ankle.

Robbie nudged Andre. "Do you think she knows it was Sam?" he whispered.

As if on cue, Jade's emerald eyes set upon the sleeping blonde, so intense it was as though they may actually bore a hole right through her. Yet her smile grew, and it made Robbie shudder.

"Oh, she knows..." Andre replied, feeling equally nervous.

"Alright everybody," Sikowitz clapped to get their attention, "as much as I'd love for us all to laze around all afternoon, I'm actually getting paid to teach a class," he informed them, before muttering to himself, "although I'm not getting paid enough."

Everyone began to move their chairs back in their original positions, facing the stage. Jade made a point of slamming a chair down right next to where Sam was lying, and the blonde awoke with a start, glaring up at her.

"Sorry," Jade smiled sweetly. "Didn't see you all the way down there."

"What is it with you and interrupting my sleep?" Sam grumbled as she stood up, dusting herself off.

"Perhaps I think it might be in your best interest to watch your back," Jade suggested cheerfully as she slid into her chair.

"Sit with your groups!" Sikowitz hollered, picking up on the tension.

Sam narrowed her eyes at Jade and stalked off to sit with Tori and Robbie.

"All things considered," Sikowitz explained, "and since you've all had way longer than necessary to work on your creative shenanigans, I guess we should start right away. So, which group wants to go first?"

Tori raised her hand. "Um, we could-"

"Jade, Andre, Freddie, go!" Sikowitz interrupted, leaving Tori to slump back into her chair, annoyed at being ignored.

Freddie hoped the butterflies in his stomach would die down as he took to the stage behind his partners.

They stood there for a moment, and Andre looked to his teacher for guidance. "Do you want us to give you some context, or..."

"Nope," Sikowitz said, leaning forward in his chair and meshing his fingers together.

"Alright then," Andre shrugged, before mentally getting into character while the three of them took their positions.

Now it was just Andre and Freddie on stage, with their backs to the audience - pretending to pee.

Sam guffawed and Tori nudged her, trying very hard not to giggle.

"How many hours you bin on the road fer today?" Andre asked in a redneck accent.

"'Bout nine hours, I reckon," Freddie followed suit. He'd never been so glad that Sam played that cowboy with a mustache in iCarly. They'd done the skit so many times his accent was pretty good from copying her.

Andre pretended to zip up his fly. "Long time to be on the highway, good buddy. You oughta rest."

"Naah," Freddie mimed zipping up too, and they both turned to face the audience , "I gotta get to Denver by dawn."

"You best be careful you don't fall asleep at the wheel, son," Andre warned. "Ah seen some road wrecks that would make a strong man weep, caused on a counta a guy like you dropping zees on route."

"Aw shucks, 't'ain't nothin' to concern yourself with. I can drive for days, long as I gotta cup of coffee by my side and a woman waiting for me to get back home in one piece," he joked, smiling.

But Andre's face was dead serious. "Ain't no laughin' matter, boy. 'Bout twelve months back a trucker by the name of Doug was cruisin' on the blacktop, his mind not where it oughta be at, just tryin' to get where he needed to be, no matter what. He felt his eyelids drooping, drooping, gettin' heavier, and heavier, but he pressed on."

"Then whut happened?" Freddie asked, hanging on every word.

Andre paused and looked him straight in the eyes. "Doug gave in to the highway sandman. So he didn't know when his rig swerved across the lanes and into an incoming car."

Freddie shook his head sadly, before meeting his eyes again. "All hurt?"

Andre swallowed hard, like it was a struggle to continue. "The young girl driving the car died instantly," he said in a low voice. "And Doug..."

Freddie and the whole class leaned in to hear what he would say next.

"...Doug is standin' in a bathroom at the Lucky Springs gas station, wishin' things wuz different."

The reaction on Freddie's face conveyed that Andre was 'Doug', but his shock quickly turned to confusion. "But wait - you said it happened twelve months ago. Don't causing death by dangerous driving mean a spell in the pen?"

Andre turned away and sighed deeply. "Does if ya get caught..." he muttered, before slowly turning to Freddie - a prop knife in his hand.

Freddie's eyes widened, and he backed up with his hands up. "Don't shoot!" he cried.

Andre frowned, looking at his knife. "What are you-"

"BANG BANG BANG!" Jade appeared, and Andre fell to his knees, and then slumped to the ground.

Freddie kept his hands raised as he looked at the girl, frightened.

Jade looked at the 'dead body', then at Freddie. "He left me to die a year ago, like road kill," she explained softly, her lip trembling. She then looked angry again, and Freddie flinched as she pointed the gun at him (or, at least, her hands miming a gun).

"Ma'am...no..." he pleaded.

She stood frozen for a moment.

Then the actors hung their heads, signalling that their scene was over.

The class broke into applause, all smiling and congratulating them.

"Nice work," Sikowitz grinned. "Very nice. Very Jade West," he noted, and a hint of a blush appeared on her cheeks.

"She wrote all the cool twists," Andre nodded. "Freddie chose the setting and the characters. And I...uh...I..."

"Acted your heart out," Jade patted him, and then it was Andre's turn to blush.

"A little dark, but a great collaboration," the teacher enthused as the three took their seats again. "Very promising, Freddie."

"Well he was playing a spineless yokel," Sam pointed out.

Freddie's smile turned to a deep frown.

"Kidding!" Sam touched him with her foot. "You weren't as terrible as usual."

The boy was satisfied with this. It was probably the best compliment he could get from Sam.

"Alright miss Puckett," the teacher raised an eyebrow, "let's see if you can make me believe you're something other than a snark-queen," he winked. "Sam, Tori, Robbie, impress me!"

The students took their places, with only Sam on stage while Tori waited in the wings and Robbie hovered around in the background, trying to look inconspicuous.

Sam stuck on a fake mustache and a smart brimmed hat, and walked slowly and confidently across the stage. She paused and mimed casually leaning on something.

Robbie spoke, using a far more manly voice than usual. "Well, if there was ever a good time to be sober, this ain't it."

Sam pretended to take a brisk shot from the imaginary bar, then set it down and licked every last trace from her lips. Her posture slumped, looking weary.

"I've got about as many new leads for this case as a bald cat has hairs," Robbie continued, voicing Sam. "The way things are going, the bank's gonna take my apartment and I'll be out on my...assistant..." he trailed off.

Sam became alert as Tori flounced on stage, one hand on her hip and the other on her handbag as her stilettos clicked towards the bar. The blonde's mouth fell open.

"She walked into the room like it was a new car and she'd just plastered a 'sold' sticker across the window," narrated Robbie, rather nonsensically.

Tori 'leaned' on the 'bar' and made an obviously intentional effort to totally blank the other person.

"I knew I recognized this dame. She's Greckle's assistant - or was, before they found him sleeping with the goldfishes," the boy explained as Sam gazed intently at the newcomer. "He'd been drowned in his aquarium."

Sikowitz snorted amusement.

Tori finally set her narrowed eyes on the blonde, looking subtly disgusted. "Y'know, you're liable to catch bugs keeping that trap of yours open," she said icily.

Sam hurriedly shut her mouth, looking awkward before retaining her cool again and taking another 'shot' from the 'bar'. "'scuse me, ma'am," she apologised gruffly.

"My eyes are up here, big shot," Tori pointed out, and Sam quickly brought her gaze up to make eye contact.

Robbie piped up again. "There was no denying it, she was hotter than a lava rock on a barbecue. But in this town, a pretty female means just one thing - trouble."

"And right pretty eyes you have, too," Sam noted, tipping her hat.

Tori rolled her eyes.

"Say now, don't I know you from somewhere?" asked the blonde.

Tori poked her harshly in the chest. "If this is a line, it won't wash with me, buster," she hissed.

"Don't flatter yourself, sweetheart," Sam smoothed her newly ruffled shirt. "If I want a cheap fix of sugar, I'll go to the saver mart."

Tori scowled and took a deep sip of her drink (a glass of water Robbie had subtly handed to her) before asking, "Then what do you want?"

"You work for Grecko?"

"I did."

"You like him?"

"Oh yeah, he was swell."

"I note the sarcasm, any bad blood there?"

"Who are you?" Tori demanded angrily.

Sam reached into her pocket and then handed the girl a card. "Detective Surge Manbo."

"'Manbo'?" Tori repeated, incredulously, before rolling her eyes again. "I don't speak to suits."

"Ain't what I heard, sweet cheeks," Sam said with a faint smirk. "Although maybe you prefer your bedroom activities to be conversation-free."

Tori snapped a cold glare in her direction.

Robbie interrupted. "If she was innocent, she'd either have laughed or slapped me in the face. But no reaction at all would mean-"

Tori suddenly threw the contents of her glass into Sam's face and strode away.

Jade smirked.

"Of course," Robbie continued, "I could be wrong."

The actors paused and looked to Sikowitz to show the scene had ended, and again the audience clapped enthusiastically, while Sam mopped her face with a towel.

"Interesting," Sikowitz grinned. "I like the comedy twist to the film noir angle. Nice work, you three."

They took their seats, all smiles. As Sam sat by Freddie, he took the opportunity to lean over and ask, "So you just carry that mustache around with you?"

Sam simply looked at him and then stuck the prop to his forehead.

"So, last to dazzle us with acting prowess, let's have Carly, Beck and Cat," the teacher beamed, leaning back in his chair.

Carly gulped and nervously walked to the front of the class with Cat. This was a world away from iCarly.

Beck set up two chairs on stage and he and Carly took a seat, while Cat sat on the floor. He observed the new girl's nervous fidgeting and gave her a reassuring smile. She managed to smile back, and then the scene began.

"There's no way they'll think to look here," Beck said in a low voice.

"How can you be so sure?" Carly replied, quiet and urgent. "If they find her, they'll take her away from us. You know that."

"I won't let that happen," Beck took her hand in his and looked into her eyes.

She sighed doubtfully.

"Mom? Dad?" Cat piped up. "How long do we have to sit in the dark?"

"Just for a while, sweetheart," Carly said softly. "Try to stay as quiet as you can."

"Like a little tiny mouse," Beck added, flashing a brief grin before putting a finger over his mouth.

Cat repeated the action and giggled.

Carly frowned slightly at Beck. "Are we to carry on like this for days? Weeks? Months?" she murmured.

"I can't say. We just have to take one day at a time."

"One day at a time," Carly repeated, before looking at him intensely. "And if they come here and demand that all women be taken into custody?"

Beck exhaled deeply and stood up, looking pensive as he took a slow circuit of the stage. He paused and looked at Carly and Cat in turn, both pairs of eyes fixed upon him in expectation.

"Then me and Sarah will go with them willingly, so they have no cause to harm us," he explained, sitting on the floor by Cat and stroking her hair, before shooting Carly a grave expression. "And you will come and save us."

Carly stared at him for a moment, then nodded firmly. "I will always save you."

There was a brief silence, then the audience jumped as a loud banging sounded (which, in reality, was Beck secretly rapping his knuckles on the stage). The three actors looked up, fear in their eyes. Carly rushed to Cat and Beck, placing a protective hand on both of their shoulders.

"I will always save you," she repeated.

And they hung their heads.

"The end!" Cat squealed, slightly ruining the mood. Still, they received hefty applause, and Sam whistled her appreciation, giving Carly two thumbs up.

"Very good! You moved me," Sikowitz pretended to wipe tears from his eyes and Carly laughed as she took her seat. "I enjoyed the twist that Beck was playing the wife, that was most unexpected. Nice job."

"I played the daughter!" Cat chuckled, sitting down.

"We noticed," Andre said patiently.

Jade was slightly put out when Beck sat a few chairs away from her, but made sure to go over and sit on his knee, purring about what a great job he had done - making sure Carly noticed.

"Very well done class," said Sikowitz brightly as he retook his position at the front of the room. "I see some great potential from our not-foreign foreign exchange students. I was fully expecting you all to be terrible."

"...Thanks?" Freddie offered.

"You are welcome," he replied. "Now, since clearly working in groups is a good influence, I'll be giving you another assignment shortly - a fun, quick-fire sort of thing. Before that, I'm splitting you into different teams. I like to mix it up," he grinned fiendishly.

The class simply stared at him.

"Right," he cleared his throat. "The new teams are as follows: Beck, Robbie and Carly, you're team alpha. Tori, Andre, Freddie, you're team beta. Jade, Cat and Sam, you are team...whatever."

"Team whatever?" Cat asked, puzzled.

"Yes Cat, congratulations, your hearing is impeccable."

"...What?"

"Get in your teams and get to know each other!" Sikowitz ordered, grabbing his bag. "I'll be back soon to give you further instructions."

"Wait," Robbie said, "but what do we-"

Sikowitz scampered out of the room and out of sight.

"...And he's gone," Robbie sighed.

The students got up and started to move into their new groups. On their way, Tori and Carly passed each other.

"Sam with Jade?" Carly said pointedly, looking worried.

"Jade with Sam," Tori nodded and sighed.

She couldn't help but feel that putting the two of them together would be a lot like putting fire with dynamite.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Apologies that this chapter is a little late, I've been mega-busy of late with a bunch of boring stuff that I won't bore you with! So anyway, please let me know what you think via review, pm or twitter (fatcaketacos), and see you in the next installment (hopefully very soon!). Peace, love, and tacos.**


	9. Chapter 9: On The Edge

**Chapter Nine: On The Edge**

Jade and Sam stalked towards each other, each one sizing up their opponent before locking eye contact with fierce intensity. Cat, watching them, felt suddenly uneasy.

The blonde folded her arms and lazily blew a strand of hair from her face. "Hi, honey," she beamed.

Jade smiled back, though fury danced in her eyes. She hated that this newbie had unexpectedly gained the upper hand. Still, now the game had changed. She loved revenge enough to know that it was best when it was carefully considered, well researched, and unexpected. She would need something particularly special for Sam Puckett. And, agonising though it was, that meant she would have to wait.

"Sam," she greeted, though her throat practically burned with the insults she was suppressing.

Sam simply took note of her new enemy's rigid stance and forced pleasantness - and she revelled in it. "You okay?" she asked with what was clearly mock sympathy.

"Peachy, thank you," Jade replied through gritted teeth.

"Sure?" Sam cocked her head on one side and really studied her expression. "I mean, I wouldn't want to...ruffle your feathers."

Cat gulped as she looked to her friend - she was pretty sure she could see a vein throbbing in her forehead.

For a few moments the two of them remained in a sort of Western stand-off, each of them waiting for an excuse to draw weapons. Sam even flinched a little, on guard, when Jade eventually moved.

But the dark-haired girl simply glided into a seat, crossing one leg over the other, and taking the opportunity to offer Sam a saccharine sweet tone. "Oh Sam. Sam, Sam, Sam," she smiled, unnervingly. "You could never ruffle my feathers."

The blonde's confidence wavered and she narrowed her eyes, before she took a chair herself and plonked down on it, stretching her legs out in front of her.

A tense silence followed.

"I love your webshow!" Cat blurted out eventually, unable to bear the suspense any longer as she scooted her chair right next to Sam.

"Uh thank you," the blonde replied, feeling a little awkward at the other girl's lack of respect for personal space.

"You're all so funny!" she giggled loudly before suddenly looking quizzical. "How come that awkward shirtless guy didn't come here with you?"

"Gibby?" Sam tried to clarify as she subtly shifted her seat a few inches to the side.

"Yeah, Gibby!" Cat scooted her chair along with her.

"Don't be so nosy, Cat," Jade scolded with a smirk. "Maybe Sam doesn't want to talk about her lover boy."

Jade had hoped for a bit of unbridled anger from the girl, but instead Sam simply broke into hysterics.

"Gibby? He's not my boyfriend. He's not even a human being, most of the time."

"Oh," Cat nodded, still a little perplexed. She then felt her heart sink. "Then...you and Freddie?" she asked faintly.

Sam snorted. "Only if Hell froze over, toads rained across the Earth and hamsters started skiing," she replied flatly.

When she had eventually unravelled what Sam had just said, Cat brightened considerably. She was about to ask more about Freddie, when Jade cut in.

"So if you're not dating the dorkables, who exactly DO you spend your quality time with?" she said, pierced eyebrow raised.

Sam shrugged. "Nobody. Currently living the free life."

"Aw, such a shame," Jade pouted. "I can't imagine why you've been so overlooked by the boys, what with being a famous webshow clown and all."

The sarcasm wasn't lost on Sam. Mentally she was trying to remember whether or not she'd packed the butter sock today. She was still working overtime to avoid violence - so verbal assault would have to do. And if this chick thought she was snarky, she was about to get schooled.

"Well you know how it is," she sighed wistfully. "We can't all find a guy willing to put up with our many, many problems."

Jade held her ground, smirking. "I guess some girls have more problems than others."

"You would know."

"Does anyone else like strawberries?" Cat interjected quickly, all high pitch and nervous giggles.

Sikowitz came back in, looked relieved that nobody had killed each other, and sat quietly at the side of the room.

Jade felt the sting of losing a second round, but if it meant the blonde was lulled into a false sense of security...then all for the better.

"I've only managed to catch a few clips of your little sketch show," the dark-haired girl sniffed, paying more attention to her fingernails than anything else. Her eyes darted upwards, and her smile slinked back. "You're so much shorter than you look on camera."

It wasn't often that Sam felt self-conscious about the way she looked. The only other time had been a few years back when she'd become concerned she wasn't 'girly' enough. Still, that had quickly passed. Nowadays she couldn't care less what people thought about her - as long as they knew not to mess with her.

Most people knew this, and there was rarely a problem (unless they made the mistake of messing with her friends instead). But not this girl. And for a split second Sam felt very small - literally - and she hated it.

It didn't help when Cat put an arm around her and nodded. "You're the same height as me - we're like twins!"

It wasn't Cat's fault that, for Sam, she represented everything she tried to avoid in her own personality. It wasn't Cat 's fault that her observation riled Sam. It wasn't Cat's fault that - finally - someone was getting to her. But none of these things exactly made Sam warm to the redhead.

She stood up, stiffly and suddenly, pulling away and looking vexed.

Jade sat back, interested to see what the blonde would do next. Was she unravelling already? Perhaps she had overestimated her. She was almost disappointed. "What's up, kiddo?" she frowned and pursed her lips.

Sam twitched. "Just gotta tell Carly something before I...forget," she mumbled, before rushing off to grab her friend.

"Hurry ba-ack!" Jade sang.

Cat looked at her friend and sighed.

* * *

><p>Carly was in the middle of telling Andre and Robbie about the time she and the iCarly gang got lost in Japan, when Sam hauled her up by the arm and started to pull her towards the door.<p>

"Sam! What are you-"

"Need to talk," the blonde replied gruffly, so Carly silently complied, shrugging at the boys.

"Hey," Robbie noted, looking expectantly at Sikowitz, "aren't you even gonna ask where they're going right in the middle of class?"

Sikowitz placed a finger on the line of the book he was reading, and looked wearily at the boy. "Robbie, let me tell you something. When girls suddenly have to run off during class - it's best not to ask where they're going."

"Yeah, but-"

"Best...not to...ask," the teacher reiterated.

Robbie sighed, huffily. Andre elbowed him, a penalty for attempting to snitch.

* * *

><p>"Okay, okay, I'm coming! Less of the pulling!" Carly protested until finally Sam let her go, sure they were a safe enough distance from the classroom. "Was that really necessary?"<p>

"Heck yes," Sam nodded vigorously, exhaling the tight breath of restraint she'd been holding.

Carly frowned as she examined her friend, who stood shifting her weight from foot to foot and restlessly waving her hands at her side. "Sam, what is it?"

"Question, Carls. If a person were to confiscate their much-loved best friend's butter sock...where would said person hide such...sock. Of butter," she babbled, her eyes fixed down the hall on the classroom door.

Carly's concern grew and she reached forward, gently pinning her friend's arms to her sides and trying to get her focused. "Quit bouncing around...c'mon, what happened?"

The blonde reluctantly tried to be still, letting out short shaky breaths, grudgingly looking into her friend's interrogating eyes.

"What happened?" the brunette repeated, more slowly and softly, letting go of her and backing up slightly in preparation of an outburst.

"...Jade..." Sam muttered, looking at her shoes. "I don't like her."

"Really? 'Cause you never really made that clear," Carly smiled knowingly, trying to make a joke out of the situation.

A glimmer of a smile hovered on the blonde's lip, before her brow furrowed and she looked back at her best friend. "She said I was short."

"So?" Carly laughed, unused to Sam being thrown by something so trivial.

"So it would make me feel a whole lot better if I could beat her around the head with a pound of sock butter," she replied flatly, accompanying her statement with a pleading expression.

Carly sighed and shook her head, but remained in good spirits. "No butter sock."

Sam stamped her foot, and got even more annoyed when Carly's response to the action was a simple raise of an eyebrow.

They remained in stalemate until Sam made a sort of animal-like screech and marched back to class.

"Very mature," Carly said, following behind.

* * *

><p>"You okay?" Tori asked, scanning Beck's weary expression and slumped posture.<p>

He nodded and produced a hint of a smile, before looking to Freddie. "I'm sorry. I'm normally slightly more exciting to be around," he joked, suppressing a yawn.

"Hey, no problem," Freddie smiled sympathetically. "I understand. Spending the night with Sam is pretty exhausting."

Tori and Beck stared at him.

Freddie frowned for a second, then his eyes widened. "Whoa, nonononono, that's not what I meant!" he backtracked. "Uh, I mean because she's so, uh, well...I meant because she generally causes so much trouble. So she's exhausting to be around," he explained carefully.

The others smirked and they eventually all laughed to ease Freddie's tension.

"I guess we all kind of had a late night anyway," Tori pointed out. "Hopefully everything will be a bit more chilled tomorrow."

"If we survive today," Beck gave a short laugh, although he wasn't entirely kidding.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: This update is late and pretty short (since it's kind of half a chapter), but I didn't want to leave it hanging there too long. As always, I'd do a backflip to hear what you thought. It wouldn't be a very sucessful backflip, but the attempt would blow your mind.**


	10. Chapter 10: Play Fighting

**Chapter Ten: Play Fighting**

Carly and Sam returned to the classroom - Sam in a full-on sulk because she had been unable to get Carly on side, and Carly trying to be optimistic that they could all be friends (though doubting that very much).

Sikowitz had randomly swapped the groups around a little (except for Sam's, much to her irritation), and before they could do much more chatting, the teacher clapped his hands loudly. He'd placed a chair and a table on stage, and was looking very excitable.

"Alrighty, since we're all getting along so well, let's begin the next group challenge!" he enthused, with more than a note of sarcasm. "This will be entirely improvisational, which means you just get up and see where the prompt I give you takes you. No pressure."

"Unless you make a total fool of yourself," Jade pointed out.

"You will all make fools of yourself with this challenge," Sikowitz smiled broadly, a glint in his eye.

Jade frowned.

"Well, at least we're all in it together," Tori shrugged, smiling at Carly, who was already looking nervous.

"Me and my friends did this challenge all the time back in theatre school," the teacher explained. "Very traumatic. Good times."

"Enough of the build-up!" Rex snapped, trying to break Sikowitz out of his familiar wistful trance. "Get to the good stuff."

"Cool your jets, timber-brain. This challenge is known as 'Sit, Stand, Lie'," he announced, rubbing his hands with fiendish glee. "I'm gonna give each team a prompt, and you may perform it in any way you wish."

Cat immediately brightened. "Yay!"

"However!" Sikowitz raised a finger for dramatic pause. "During the scene, at all times, one character must be sitting, one must be standing, and one must be lying down. They are not allowed to keep the same position for too long, and they are not allowed to use the same position as another character. Only one character can be sitting, standing, or lying down. Got it?"

The class nodded, though they were all a little uneasy.

"Good! Team Alpha, you're up," the teacher pointed back to the stage as he took a seat, and Carly, Robbie and Andre complied. "The three of you are in a fancy pants restaurant - two of you are on a date, and the other is a waiter...or tress. Surprise us."

The three of them had started shifting awkwardly as he spoke, trying to decide where to go.

"So, who wants to be my date?" Robbie grinned.

Andre arched an eyebrow before putting an arm around Carly.

"Alrighty then..." Robbie sighed, dejected, as Andre pulled the table towards himself and Carly.

"Here you go, sweetheart," he smiled, politely motioning for her to sit down.

"Why thank you," Carly took his lead. "This is such a lovely place."

"Only the best for my girl. I'll get us some drinks. Yo, service!"

With Carly seated and Andre on his feet, Robbie had no other option. He lay on his back on the floor by the table. "Hello," he greeted brightly. "I will be your waiter this evening. How may I help you fine people."

Andre and Carly leaned over to look at him, puzzled.

"Um, why are you on the floor?" Andre asked.

Robbie's positive manner faded. "I was born without any feeling in my legs," he admitted.

"Aw, that's awful!" Carly said, standing up and letting Andre take her place. "So...what made you decide to be a waiter?"

Robbie sniffed and sat up. "It was my life's dream."

Carly noticed his position change and dramatically threw herself from her chair onto the floor. "Oh dear lord, I've fallen down!"

"Honey, what happened?" Andre hurriedly sat next to her. Robbie stood up.

"Sweet gravy, I can stand!" he exclaimed.

"It's a miracle!" Andre clapped.

"Hallelujah!" Carly added in a muffled voice, before standing up . She was really getting to enjoy this challenge - it was a lot closer to the sort of wackiness she got to do on iCarly.

Robbie fumbled as he hurriedly sat on the floor, as Andre lay on the table.

"I need a minute to sit down," the curly-haired boy explained. "After all, I have just defied science!"

"I'm coming down with hunger pains over here, man..." Andre groaned, rolling onto his back.

Carly cocked her head and played up the comedy. "You're coming down with 'hunger games'? So, what, you're gonna represent your district and hope the odds are ever in your favor?"

The audience laughed, with even Jade offering a snigger.

"PAINS!" Andre clarified, trying not to smile.

Robbie clicked his fingers. "Yo, can we get some pains over here, please?" he called, before murmuring, "that's French for bread, right?"

Carly sighed. "Can we just get the man some food? I think he's unconscious."

"Really? Then you should kiss him!" Robbie suggested.

"...Say what?"

"Well that's what they do in the movies, right?"

Andre's heart rate increased dramatically, and he prayed that nobody could hear it. He wanted to kill Robbie. At least he did until...

"Well, if it'll help," Carly shrugged. She leaned over a placed a quick kiss on Andre's cheek.

He sat up immediately, a little dazed, while Robbie was forced to collapse back onto the floor. "What a day!"

"And...scene!" Sikowitz called, breaking the three of them out of character. "Very enjoyable scene with some nice hilarity thrown in. Good work."

"I'm exhausted..." Robbie admitted.

Carly nodded. "It's kind of a nightmare trying to figure out when and where to stand or lie down or whatever. Fun though!"

"Well I'm glad you enjoyed it, Miss Shay!" the teacher beamed. "Now let's see if team Beta can be as entertaining."

The two groups swapped places, with Andre a little wobbly getting to his seat.

Tori, Beck and Freddie took to the stage as Sikowitz relayed their prompt. "Your scene is this - the three of you are a team of treasure hunters, and you're in the middle of exploring an ancient tomb. But one of you has a terrible secret...GO!"

The teens took a moment to fully register the information, before it sunk in. In an instant Tori took a seat in the chair, Beck lay on his back on the table, and Freddie stood looking a little perplexed.

Beck cleared his throat, and they began. "This may well be the find of the century!" he announced, gesturing to the empty space around him.

"Indeed," Tori answered. "Definitely worth running the gauntlet of booby traps for. Though I must say, I am a little weary."

"As am I," Freddie took the others' lead, and adopted the faux-British accent he was used to using in the webshow. "Let us rest a while."

He sat down on the floor, and Tori hopped to her feet. "C'mon chaps, there's treasure to be carried! We should really get going soon before anyone else can get on our trail...ooh! What's that?" she lay on the floor on her stomach, pretending to inspect an object.

Freddie stood up to look over her shoulder, and Beck sat up on the table.

"What is it?" Beck inquired.

"It looks like some kind of ancient scripture of some sort...I can't quite read it in this light."

"Can I try?" Freddie asked, lying next to her. Tori sat up and Beck got to his feet again. He pretended to squint. "Well, if I didn't know any better, I'd bet my Aunt Edith's knickers that it says...'suckers'."

Tori and Freddie looked puzzled, while Beck took the risk - after all, one of them had to have a secret, and Freddie had kindly provided the perfect opportunity. "Well, Aunt Edith better buy some new bloomers," he said slyly, as he backed away from them and mimed opening a bag.

"What trickery is this?" Freddie demanded, getting to his feet. Tori lay down again and Beck crouched, continuing with his mime.

"Well, my poor idiot pals, I have just activated a bomb loaded with poison gas, and since I'm the only one of us with a gas mask, I guess I'm the only one leaving with the treasure," he explained flippantly, pretending to put on the gas mask. "Terribly sorry. The recession affects us all, y'know?"

"You, sir, are a cad and a bounder!" Freddie exclaimed, horrified.

"I must be going. I'll see you at your double funeral," Beck said, muffling his voice so that it would sound like he was speaking through the mask.

As he turned to exit, Tori slid forward across the floor. "I think not!" she said, grabbing his ankle and tugging it.

She and Beck had done enough stage-fighting by now to know how to execute a pretty decent stunt. Beck fell flat on his face dramatically (although safely), while Freddie stood up in shock – not entirely in character – and Tori sat up and pretended to wrestle the 'gas mask' from Beck

Eventually Freddie felt it was okay to carry on acting, so he covered his mouth with his sleeve, faux coughing as he went to help Tori.

"It's your bomb!" Tori said breathlessly, wrenching the invisible mask away and taking exaggerated breaths as she covered her face with it. "It's only fair that it should kill you!"

"Curse you!" Beck choked, writhing on the ground. "My only regret is that...I'm dying." He struck a dramatic pose with a pained expression, then went limp – earning giggles from the class.

Tori got up, and Freddie sat down, pretending to grow weaker as the make-believe poison filled the air. "Here," she said urgently, pushing the 'gas mask' onto Freddie's face and starting another coughing fit.

Freddie pushed it back to her and shook his head. "Only one of us can live," he whispered.

"Yes," Tori nodded, waiting a beat, before hurriedly miming putting the 'gas mask' on Freddie and then backing away. "And it has to be you."

"Scene!" Sikowitz bellowed. "Very nice. A little hammy, but...I don't know, it kind of worked," he smiled thoughtfully.

"Aw, I wanted to watch Tori die..." Jade complained, prompting a frown from Tori. "In the play, I mean," she added, with a smirk, once the teacher had given her a disapproving look.

"Dude, you really made that fall look brutal!" Freddie said as he helped Beck up.

"Just a stage dive," Beck smiled humbly. "You've gotta take the stage-fighting module if you get the chance. It's really a lot of fun."

"As long as you're not paired with Jade," Tori added in a low voice as they filed off the stage and took their seats.

Freddie laughed. "Hey, as long as I'm not in the same group as Sam, I think I'll be safe."

"Okay, last group. Up and at 'em," Sikowitz prompted. "Your scene will take place in a hospital. Jade, you will be the doctor, Cat's the nurse, and Sam is the patient."

A smile slithered onto Jade's lips. "Perfect." She glanced at Sam, who tried to look unfazed as they walked to the head of the class.

Cat skipped ahead of them and considered sitting in the chair, before deciding that it would be much more fun to lie on the table.

Jade grabbed a clipboard and pen from the prop box, and slid gracefully into the chair as Sam wavered offstage.

"NURSE!" Jade barked in her man voice, making everyone in the room jump. "What are you doing, lying down on the job?"

"Uh, I was just checking that this bed was comfortable, doctor," Cat explained. "It is!"

"Well that is astounding news, but you need to get up now because we're gonna need that bed for a very sick individual."

Her choice of words wasn't lost on Sam. She rarely played it as subtle, but she could still tell when someone was disguising insults just enough so that they would still blend into the performance, yet land a direct hit.

Cat sat up, Jade got to her feet, and Sam crawled onto the stage screeching a cacophony of noises to sound her imagined agony.

"Oh my gosh, what's wrong with her?"

Jade shook her head sympathetically. "Where to start."

Well, if she wants to play...Sam's eyes widened as she looked up at the dark-haired girl standing over her. "Aaaah! What is that? It's the most horrible thing I've ever seen!" she cried, pointing at her.

Jade put her hands on her hips and narrowed her eyes, yet she returned Sam's thinly-veiled smirk. "Clearly she is experiencing a serious psychotic malfunction."

"So what do we do, doctor?"

Jade paused, then replied with a dramatic flourish - "We must operate immediately!"

"Operate!" Cat looked shock and pretended to faint back onto the table.

"...Operate?" Sam sat bolt upright, not liking the look in Jade's eye.

"That's right," Jade smiled unnervingly. "Get on the bed."

Sam hesitated a moment, trying to gage the situation. Jade sat back on the chair and Cat jumped to her feet, giving Sam a nudge towards the table. Feeling a little like she was walking to an execution, the blonde reluctantly lay down on her side facing the audience, muscles tensed.

"There's a good patient," Jade soothed as she strode over to the table, leaving Cat with no option but to scurry into the chair.

"Yeah, uh...y'know, I'm feeling a LOT better," Sam explained quickly, beginning to squirm and making a move to leave.

"Yeah? Well I have a PhD, so I'll be the judge of that, thank you," the dark haired girl replied before roughly shoving her back down. "Nurse, pass me my scalpel."

"Okey dokey!" Cat nodded, rooting around in the prop box beside her.

"I think I'd like some drugs first, please," Sam said hurriedly.

"No time."

"But I feel really sick, maybe I should-"

"-Nurse! Hurry it up, we're losing precious time!"

Cat frowned as she continued to find a prop that looked vaguely medical-looking. Panicking, she settled on whatever she had her hand on and threw it to Jade.

Jade caught it, then looked at her - a deadpan expression on her face and a plastic crocodile in her hand. Cat shrugged and then looked at her shoes, like a scolded child.

Jade rolled her eyes then turned back to Sam. "Alright, so basically what's going to happen is, I'm going to remove a piece of your brain and I-"

Sam interrupted her with a new burst of wailing and groaning, as she rolled around on the table clutching her stomach. "I think I'm gonna hurl!"

Before the dark-haired girl could speak, Sam pretended to throw up all over her – even going so far as to stealthily remove a burrito she had stored in her pocket at lunch, and squeezing it so that exploded all over Jade.

The class gasped. Cat's mouth opened wide in shock. Jade moved from stunned to furious in a matter of seconds. Sam smiled and placed her hands behind her head.

"I feel much better now," she said happily. "Thanks doc."

Sikowitz jumped up as he watched Jade's face redden and her fists clench. "Cut! Cut! CUT!" he cried.

"Oh I'll cut, alright," Jade hissed. "I'll cut her into SHREDS!" she screamed and lunged forwards, and Sam deftly rolled off the table out of harm's way.

"Hey, this is your game. I'm just following the rules," she explained, laughing. "I was going for realism."

"Oh, is that what you were doing?" the dark haired girl growled as the two of them circled the table, and Cat covered her ears. "Well, if that's the way you want it, how about I send you to the hospital FOR REAL?"

"Bring it on, Twilight."

"I HATE TWILIGHT!"

Robbie frowned and nudged Andre. "Is this still part of their scene? Because they're totally cheating."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Hey guys - long time no type! I'm currently laptop-less (don't laugh), so I've been begging people to let me borrow their's so I can upload. My laptop got taken over by Skynet or something. Sarah Connor still hasn't got back to me. So I'm sorry to have kept you waiting. Really. A thousand apologies.**

**If you want me to feel better about having to save up all my cash for the next three months for a new computer, then send me a review! Or a PM! Or a sandwich! Ball's in your court, really. Smell ya later!**


End file.
